Get To It and Do It... Some More

I am a listener. When you listen a lot you learn a lot because you hear a lot.
And boy, have I heard a lot.
Talking to married women interest me, especially in candid conversations. I enjoy the dialogue. When women my age have come together to have these impromptu no-holds-barred conversations about marriage, it can be both informative and uncomfortable for me. I don't contribute much to the conversations; I spend most of my time listening.
And I got ears-full.
The most common phrase that I have heard in married lady conversation is "the marriage bed is undefiled so we can do what we want". This is one of the most misused phrases in the Bible, mostly because people don't read the whole verse. They take out the part that sounds good and roll with that. That's not hot.
So let's look at the entire scripture, in a few different versions. Maybe that will help a little bit:

Hebrews 13:4

"Marriage should be honored by all, 

and the marriage bed kept pure,

for God will judge the adulterer

and all the sexually immoral."(NIV)

"Have respect for your marriage. 

Always be faithful to your partner,

because God will punish anyone who is

immoral or unfaithful in marriage."(CEV)

"Honor marriage, and guard the 

sacredness of sexual intimacy 

between wife and husband. 

God draws a firm line between casual and illicit sex"(The Message)

It seems to me that the central theme for the verse is "honor", or respect. You and your husband must have a mutual respect for each other for your sex life to work, and your marriage in general. You must respect your husband, your marriage and yourself. The time that you spend love making with your husband is called intimacy for a reason. "The two shall become one"... Literally. That is when you are closest to each other. That's sacred and private. And its between the both of you. 

Moving on to the next part, faithful. This means that adultery is out of the question. That includes threesomes. I've heard people say that its okay to do those things because both you and your husband agree. Even if you do, its wrong. You are giving yourself and your husband permission to have sex with another person. That's adultery. God frowns on that, and it doesn't make you feel all that good either. But my feelings on the subject don't matter. God designed marriage for a man and a woman, and He designed sex for marriage. Having more than one wife or husband is illegal, so why would having sex with someone else inside of your marriage bed be okay? I'm sorry, but it seems like a no-brainer to me.

Last but not least is the subject of sexual immorality. This means what it says, immoral sex. Its a sin against your own body. Some of the most common ones would be sexually physical abuse, bestiality and homosexuality, to name a few. Other than that, I don't claim to be an authority on the subject. What I can say, is that sex was designed for pleasure between you and your husband. Pain shouldn't be part of the equation. If it makes you hurt physically or emotionally, its wrong for you.

In the end, an undefiled marriage bed means to honor your marriage and remain faithful, but these factors should be universal throughout your entire marriage relationship. What you and your husband agree to do, other than the things I listed above, is your business. Let your marital freak flag fly. Be open about what you want and what you don't. You are involved you know. Marriage isn't the time to become super holy. Many people had sex before marriage, myself including. I thank God that my husband married me since he already had my goodies, but after saying "I do" wasn't the time to get shy. You have a  long time with that man. A lot of time to experiment and find out what works. 

Handcuff, toys, whipped cream, chandeliers....  As long as you all agree, its cool with me. And more importantly, its cool with God.

So, once again, get to it and do it....

Get to It & Do It...

Let's start with the Word. We'll be keeping this one short and sweet...

1 Corinthians 7:3-4

"Sexual drives are strong, but
 marriage is strong enough

to contain them, and provide for a fulfilling
 sexual life 

in a world of sexual disorder. 

The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality-

the husband seeking to satisfy his wife,

the wife seeking to satisfy her husband." (The Message)

And there you have it. Have sex with your husband.

Need I go on? Okay then...

1 Corinthians 7:5

"Don't withhold yourselves from each other

unless you agree to do so for a set time

to devote yourselves to prayer. 

Then you should get back together  so that 

Satan doesn't use your lack of self control

to tempt you." (God's Word Translation) 

And there is it again. Sex is good for your marriage.

So do it.

I would end here, but that wouldn't make for a very good read. 
So let's talk some more.

God created sex as a means for you and your hunni to enjoy each other. You know how you can be really hungry and go to the grocery store to buy food? You see everything and everything looks and smells its best when you go shopping on an empty stomach. You wind up buying a lot of food that you really don't need, spending more money than you have to spend and overeat. Everything seems good at the time, but when its all said and done, you should have eaten before you left home.

Same goes for sex.

Its good to have sex when you're married for so many different reasons. Its a form of intimacy, where you and your husband can become one flesh, literally. Its fun, obviously. Its how you expand your loving family. And its a form of actual physical exercise. You can burn calories and everything. Its true. I Googled it. 

But its also good because it helps relieve tension. Have you ever had an argument, then had sex?
What were we arguing about again? LOL.

When you deprive your husband of your body and its pleasures you are doing more to hurt your marriage than help it. Men are visual and physical. They actually need sex to function well. It keeps his attitude in a good place and helps his blood flow properly. It also improves your relationship with him. That's how he feels close to you. That's what he thinks will ultimately make you happy. And when you're happy, he's happy. You don't want him watching all the hips that switch past him over the course of the day. You don't want him accepting advances from other ladies. And you don't want him thinking about other women when he should be thinking about you. Sex, lots of sex and lots of good sex will help him stay where he should. And you too, missy. You don't want your eyes wandering around either. That could make everyone unhappy.

Making love should come naturally to you. You don't have to be the freakiest freak of the week, but you should stay interested in continuing to please your husband. It keeps trouble out of the equation. The second scripture talks about withholding sex from your husband. That can start real trouble. If you refuse a starving pet, no matter how loyal the pet, its going to get tired of begging and move around. You can't cut that man off of his lovin'! He loves you, yes, but he gets hot and, if you wait too long, he'll kick into starvation mode. He may just go back to his old ways, or even develop himself some new ways. A man that's starving will find something, somewhere. Either way it goes, them man's gotta eat. 
So if you don't have sex often, have sex some more. If you have sex often, have sex some more. 
Even now, if he's home, go do it. If you just got done doing it, tell him how good it was and, maybe, do it again. If he's not text him and tell him you want to do it. And then get ready to do it
Get to it and do it...
***Let's get involved ladies! Comment and share. The next post will be about your sexual appetite and how to get and stay hungry. Be on the look out for it...***

Old Clothes, Cracked Bottles & Rare Diamonds

I know it seems like the three items in the title have nothing in common, but by the time I'm done, you'll understand a little better.

When my husband and I first got married, he came at me hard about everything. It was like I couldn't catch a break with him no matter what.

He criticized my housekeeping; our home never seemed to be clean enough.

He came at my cooking; there was always a bunch of questions about the meals I prepared and funny looks if he didn't think he would like it.

He even came at my weight. I've always been a big girl, and I was bigger when we met than I was when we got married. 

So, of course, as any human being would, I developed a complex when it came to communicating and doing things for my husband. I was always defensive and in attack mode whenever he decided to open his mouth and "help" me. 

That's his word, not mine. 

I called him a jerk.

But then I thought about it. If I really wanted my marriage to last and be happy doing it, I would have to change my outlook on this thing. I was clear that my husband wasn't going to change, and I couldn't change him. Please believe, I tried for a while. But it didn't work at all. So I decided to seek God to change my heart toward my husband and my marriage. 

And that's where the old clothes, cracked bottles and rare diamonds come in. 

Mark 2:21-22

"He went on,

"No one cuts up a fine silk scarf to 

patch old clothes; you want fabrics that match.

And you don't put your wine in cracked bottles."(MSG)

When you and the Lord make changes to you, you marriage changes. And when God changes something, He doesn't just change it, He makes it new (read Revelation 21:5 when you get a chance). So why would you want to keep old habits in a new marriage?

Old habits + Old Ways= Old Clothes

Crazy thinking + Bad Attitude = Cracked Bottles

New Attitude + New Plan = New Wife = Rare Diamonds

My husband put pressure on me to be different. Not because who I was wasn't good enough, because if I wasn't he wouldn't have asked me to marry him. He came at me the way he did because he wanted to see me better, for him and for myself. He saw how taking care of the house the way I was doing it was stressing me out, so he pressured me to do it in a better way. He came at me about my weight because , even though I was healthy at the time, it may not have always been that way, and he wanted me to be around for a long time. And he came at me about having sex because, well he wanted to have a lot of sex. I don't think that part was for me, but marriage is about give and take.

I was doing some research about diamonds. We all have heard that they are formed from coal that is put under pressure. But did you know that only the rarest and most valuable diamonds withstand the most strenuous pressure? Those colored diamonds that have become so popular? The pinks and purples and blues and greens? They are so precious because they hold up under the hard and longest process. They rarely have flaws once they are mined because all the flaws had been worked out under the pressure. They are the best because they stay in the process until the work has been done. They are held in the highest regard and so expensive and desired because they held up through the work and are worth the wait.

You wouldn't put new silk on an old blanket. You wouldn't put new wine in a cracked bottle. And flawed diamonds aren't worth much. Don't bring old habits and bad attitudes with you when you are in the process of having God transform your marriage. 

If you do, the work that you put in will be worthless and your time will be all in vain. 

So let all things be new and let that pressure make you the rarest diamond...

So What if you Are Mad???

Let me just say before I even start that the Lord is still working this thing out in my life. My wife style is still under construction, but praise God for deliverance.
Okay let's go.
You know how your husband makes you mad?
It seems like that man makes me more mad than anyone else can. Have you ever heard how someone sees red when they're irritated. Well, my husband has been known to work my nerve to the point that I not only see red, but I see spots.
Yeah, it gets deep around here.
But the truth is, if you didn't care so much about your husband, if you didn't love him as much as you do, he wouldn't be able to press the buttons that he seems to mash so well. The thing about it is, even when he does work your last nerve, you still have to do what it is you are supposed to do for him.
Let me make it a little more plain for you.

Ephesians 4:26

"Be angry without sinning. 

Don't go to bed angry."

Proverbs 25:21-22

"If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat,

and if he is thirsty, give him some water to drink.

In this way, you will make him feel guilty and ashamed,

and the Lord will reward you."

Sometime I wonder if God knew how hard this was going to be for me when He told Paul to write it.

Even though your hubby makes you madder than mad, you still have a duty to be his wife. I'm not telling you to completely and continually overlook the things that he may do wrong. By all mean, tell him how you feel, respectfully, of course. But allowing the things that he may do to irritate you make you so mad that you neglect your wifely duties opens a door for the enemy to come in and make a mess. And believe me, you don't want to have to work on cleaning that mess up. I'm not saying that your husband is the enemy; he's your greatest ally. However, the enemy will use anyone in your life to cause you to miss the mark, which is essentially what sin is. 

Sooo...

~When he asks you where his keys are faithfully every day, answer him nicely instead of snapping at him.
~When he forget to bring home the milk, that you text him five times and asked him not to forget, say "that's okay" and keep it moving.
~When he leaves the wet towels on the bathroom floor, right in front of the towel hamper, remind him gently of the location of the towel hamper, and that he can feel free to put the in there when he's done showering.
~And when its bed time, and he's been talking crazy to you all day, make sure you take off the granny panties and slip into that slick, sexy nightie that makes his mouth water and give him a little bit. Or a lot of bit.
In my experience, sex tends to clean the slate with the husbandman. Especially good sex.
We are responsible for taking care of our men in every way. So don't let your anger keep you from doing what you do. Because you do it well.
So, why are you mad again?
Oh yeah, good sex can clean your slate too...

Sometimes You Need a Good Iron...

I think that some people are under he impression that your husband is supposed to be your best friend.

While I do totally agree with this, sometimes I wonder, if he's supposed to be my best friend, why don't we get along? I get along with my other friends. We never have these shouting matches or spats that result in me ignoring them for days. So why don't I get along as well with my husband as I do with my other friends?

Maybe you need to change the way you look at your husband. 

When we think of those good girlfriends, those BFF besties that we love so much and speak so highly of, why are they our friends? Is it because they agree with everything we say, don't interrupt us when we talk and don't tell us when the outfit that we decided to squeeze into to wear to lunch that day looks a mess? Is it because they never tell us when we're wrong, never call us on our crap and never tell us when we sound like a real-life fool?

If they are really your friends, they act the exact opposite.

True friends tell us like it is and don' make any apologies for it. They don't do it maliciously; its really the exact opposite. They love us so very, very much that they refuse to give us anything but the God's honest truth, and, because we love them for it, we call them our best friends. But we treat our husbands like the enemy.

Yikes...

Oh, I understand. He hurt your feelings when he asked you were you really going to have that third piece of apple pie and ice cream. It stung a little when he came home and asked you why we were having hotdogs for dinner, AGAIN. It bothered you when he commented on the fact that the house that you all share really isn't as clean as it could be. I don't know about your girls, but mine give it to me a lot worse a lot more and I take it. Why does it hurt so much when that man says it? Because you're not really looking at him like he's your iron...

Proverbs 27:17

"As iron sharpens iron, 

so one person sharpens another." (NIV)

Think about knives. Who can chop up chicken with a dull knife? When you need to slice, chop and julienne the ingredients for the meals you cook, or slicing that peanut butter and jelly sandwich in half, you don't want to have to saw and saw ad work up a sweat to get the knife all the way through. You want to slice that joker and move on to the next so you can get this dinner cooking. The same principle can apply to you and the relationship with your man. 

Most often times we look at our spouses for complete acceptance and validation, which they most certainly should provide for us. But when we got married, we also promised to love, honor and cherish another person. To help them grow and mature in order to become the best person that they can be. Why should you be able to push your husband to be better and not expect him to push you to your greatest in return? Your husband loves you. He wants the best for you. When he pushes you, it may hurt, but without friction you can't become sharp. In order for a knife to become sharp, it had to be consistently rubbed against another piece of iron.

You're the knife, he's the iron. The rubbing might still, but you're getting better for it. And, on an even better note, one day he'll be the knife and you can rub him. Pun intended.

Give your hubs the same respect that you give your girls. Don't expect everything to be sugar-coated. When he gives it to you straight, be a big girl and take it. 

You're getting stronger and sharper....