Get To It and Do It... Some More

I am a listener. When you listen a lot you learn a lot because you hear a lot.
And boy, have I heard a lot.
Talking to married women interest me, especially in candid conversations. I enjoy the dialogue. When women my age have come together to have these impromptu no-holds-barred conversations about marriage, it can be both informative and uncomfortable for me. I don't contribute much to the conversations; I spend most of my time listening.
And I got ears-full.
The most common phrase that I have heard in married lady conversation is "the marriage bed is undefiled so we can do what we want". This is one of the most misused phrases in the Bible, mostly because people don't read the whole verse. They take out the part that sounds good and roll with that. That's not hot.
So let's look at the entire scripture, in a few different versions. Maybe that will help a little bit:

Hebrews 13:4

"Marriage should be honored by all, 

and the marriage bed kept pure,

for God will judge the adulterer

and all the sexually immoral."(NIV)

"Have respect for your marriage. 

Always be faithful to your partner,

because God will punish anyone who is

immoral or unfaithful in marriage."(CEV)

"Honor marriage, and guard the 

sacredness of sexual intimacy 

between wife and husband. 

God draws a firm line between casual and illicit sex"(The Message)

It seems to me that the central theme for the verse is "honor", or respect. You and your husband must have a mutual respect for each other for your sex life to work, and your marriage in general. You must respect your husband, your marriage and yourself. The time that you spend love making with your husband is called intimacy for a reason. "The two shall become one"... Literally. That is when you are closest to each other. That's sacred and private. And its between the both of you. 

Moving on to the next part, faithful. This means that adultery is out of the question. That includes threesomes. I've heard people say that its okay to do those things because both you and your husband agree. Even if you do, its wrong. You are giving yourself and your husband permission to have sex with another person. That's adultery. God frowns on that, and it doesn't make you feel all that good either. But my feelings on the subject don't matter. God designed marriage for a man and a woman, and He designed sex for marriage. Having more than one wife or husband is illegal, so why would having sex with someone else inside of your marriage bed be okay? I'm sorry, but it seems like a no-brainer to me.

Last but not least is the subject of sexual immorality. This means what it says, immoral sex. Its a sin against your own body. Some of the most common ones would be sexually physical abuse, bestiality and homosexuality, to name a few. Other than that, I don't claim to be an authority on the subject. What I can say, is that sex was designed for pleasure between you and your husband. Pain shouldn't be part of the equation. If it makes you hurt physically or emotionally, its wrong for you.

In the end, an undefiled marriage bed means to honor your marriage and remain faithful, but these factors should be universal throughout your entire marriage relationship. What you and your husband agree to do, other than the things I listed above, is your business. Let your marital freak flag fly. Be open about what you want and what you don't. You are involved you know. Marriage isn't the time to become super holy. Many people had sex before marriage, myself including. I thank God that my husband married me since he already had my goodies, but after saying "I do" wasn't the time to get shy. You have a  long time with that man. A lot of time to experiment and find out what works. 

Handcuff, toys, whipped cream, chandeliers....  As long as you all agree, its cool with me. And more importantly, its cool with God.

So, once again, get to it and do it....