You May Need a Good Cry...

I remember watching this television show once. I would most likely break a few trademark rules if I told you the name of it, but instead, I'll just get on with the explanation.
A couple had three children. They lived comfortably, the husband worked to provide for the family and the wife stayed home to care for the household. On this particular episode, the husband decided that he would give his wife some time to herself, taking the children away from home for a day. Then, he got curious. He wanted to know what his wife needed to do so badly that she could only do it when her family was gone. So, decided to go back to his house and snoop. He looked through the window and saw his wife sitting on the couch, crying.
This sent him over the edge. He had no idea what she was crying for. Eventually, he asked her and she told him, "Sometimes I just need to cry."
This got me to thinking about myself and my day to day life. I take care of five to six children regularly, schedule activities for children and meals, cook two meals every day, drive my children around, clean the house and take care of laundry, not to mention some of the obstacles that I might encounter. Maybe a stalled car, a line at the grocery store, a shoestring budget. I have to take care of all of these things, most times without a break and without thinking. There have been times when I do stop, all I can do is cry.

Proverbs 56:8

"You keep track of all my sorrows.

You have collected all my tears in your bottle.

You have recorded reach one in your book." (NLT)

 

 

It used to make my husband so angry when I would cry. He would say that I was being childish and immature, that I wasn't capable of expressing myself without shedding tears. That would make me feel so low. I started to feel bad about it, and decided to stop. I refused to shed a tear in his presence, and that created a whole separate problem.

Understand, crying was my way to release. All of the things that I had to do, all of the issues that I encountered, I released them when I cried. I let it all out. I thought I could be comfortable enough around my husband to express them in his presence, but he didn't understand. However, when I tried to hold them back, they manifested in other forms; yelling, screaming, bad attitudes. I was holding my emotions in and they were manifesting in unhealthy ways.

If you choose to release your issues in tears, God will collect them all. The scripture says that He captures them in a bottle. Even if you don't know why you are crying or what you need to release, God understands. He not only comforts you, He keeps track of every tear that falls. He records every feeling that you have and every care that you give to Him. Even if your husband doesn't understand, God does, and He can be trusted with every last thought and feeling.

So if you need to get by yourself and cry, go ahead and let it out. Have a real good cry.
God has the bottle ready and waiting...



Is My Husband a Priority???

Okay so, if you haven't already heard about the husband who sent his wife a spreadsheet proving his sexual deprivation, please click the link and read it before we go on:
http://goo.gl/VIyJDJ
Where do I begin? Sigh....
He may not have gone about this the right way, but he got his message across.
The man is hungry and not being fed.
First of all, let me start off by saying that I understand the plight of the insane wife. I understand how difficult it is to handle a household. I have multiple children, a business that I am trying to getting off and running, a household that demands my total attention, ministry duties, self duties, and my husband. I know how it seems as though we could benefit greatly from a 24 to may 26 or even 30 hour day. I know how hard it is to get in the mood when your husband hardly showers or acts like you have developed invisibility powers while the "most important game of the season" is on. I realize that you've needed to talk and all he is interested in is passing this level on his video game. I know it hurts you've all but begged for a date night, but he chooses instead to go out with the fellas. I can sympathize with sick babies, laundry duties and work deadlines. I know all about stress headaches, sinus infections, pre-menstrual cramps, post-menstrual cramps, bad attitudes, weekly television show addictions, best friend emergency phone calls, science projects and every other excuse or actual reason that you may encounter not to grant your husband sexual gratification.
Yes, you do have a lot on your plate. Yes, you do have other things that you could be doing. Yes, they may be extremely important. Yes, it is late and yes, you do have to get up early. But the bottom line is, of your husband wants to have sex, there are only so many times you will be able to tell him no before he looks elsewhere.
Now, I'm not saying that he will cheat. As a matter of fact, I am praying against lustful temptations. But there comes a point in time of every Insane Wife's life where you have to decide if you want to finish the last macaroni sculpture for your daughter's first grade art show, or have some sex with your husband.
Ask yourself this question: "Is my husband my priority?"

Proverbs 24:27

"Do your planning and prepare your fields

BEFORE building your house."

 

Okay, you asked yourself that, now repeat after me: "It will be there when I get back."

I think I may just understand the business of life as much as the next person. However, I also understand that husbands have needs and they got married mostly because they thought they would be hacking a lot more sex than before. It is sadly disappointing when a person constantly shoot you down, but that's what we do to our husbands when we tell them we aren't in the mood for sex. We are telling them: "Yes I realize you are the head of my household and you have needs, but that lasagna pan in the sink requires my immediate attention and, right now, it is more important that you". I know that sounds kind of petty, but that's what our man hears when we tell him we aren't in the mood.

Your husband is part of your house. The scripture says to plan and prepare for your fields before you build your house. We have to make sure everything else we need is prepared for and taken care of so when it's time to take care of home (our husbands), we have no distractions.

I know that people say the divorce rate is high because of finances and lack of communication, but I honestly think it has a lot more to do with sex. Right before my husband and I separated, we were not having sex at all. When you take intimacy out of the equation, it removes the closeness that a husband and wife need to make it. When the intimacy leaves, it opens the door for arguing, wandering eyes and wandering body parts. Stay sexy, stay safe. I might make that my new motto.

If your husband is not on your list of things to do (pun intended), you should figure out what you can do to get him on it. I can't speak for everyone, but I can draw a direct line from me shooting down my husband's advances to his infidelity and our separation. Sex might be a choice to us, but to men, it's a need. And you don't want any other woman giving your husband what he needs to be getting from you.
Our husbands must be our priorities. If they are not, they are forgotten, and they will feel abandoned. As his wife, it's your job to make him feel like the most handsome, sexiest, satisfying man on the face of the Earth.

You might like it and if you do it right, it won't take that long. That's why God invented quickies...

The Talking Vase

Conflict resolution is very necessary to the topic of communication in marriage. I am not wishing you and your husband to have difficulty; I am merely stating a fact. Disagreements and conflicts will arise in your household. You and your husband are two different people with different mindsets and ideas, trying to coexist. Sure there will be disagreements! It’s only natural. So, please allow me to give you an idea that might make the resolution portion of the conflict a little easier.

      When I first got married, I went to visit a neighbor of mine that had been married for quite some time. At the time, my husband and I were having quite a few problems. While I was there for a totally different reason, she and I began to talk about a few of the issues that my husband and I were having. She told me that, when she and her husband first got married, someone gave her a beautiful glass vase as a wedding gift. Along with the vase was a card with instructions on it, and it read:

“Your husband will do things that get on your nerves,

And you will do things to bother him as well.

Place this beautiful vase in a central location. 

Instead of wasting time being upset and arguing about these issues,

write them down on a slip of paper and place them in it.

 When the time is right, sit together and talk about what’s on the slip of paper.

This will remind you that, even in a vase as beautiful as this, ugly things can dwell.

When you've  dealt with the ugly,

the vase can return to its state of beauty”



When she and her husband had a disagreement, or one did something that the other didn't like, they were to write their grievance down on a slip of paper and put it in the vase. At the end of the day, they would openly and honestly discuss the issue and find some resolution before the end of the day. Even if it took a while to actually get to the vase, they would always know that there was an issue, and would deal with it accordingly.
They let the vase do the talking.
Ephesians 4:26-27

“And ‘don’t sin by letting anger control you.’

Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry,

For anger gives a foothold to the devil.”

      Every conflict has some form of a resolution. Arguing and fighting only makes things worse, because you have added stress to the mix. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t need to give the devil a foothold to anything in my life. Unresolved anger issues are like a ticking time-bomb. You may not know when things are about to blow up. Issues that haven’t been addressed leads to bitterness, and that is like a weed; the roots grow long and strong and pop up everywhere. The scripture says not to let the sun go down on your anger. You have to let things go. Even if there is no closure to the situation at the time, staying mad won’t solve anything.

      It doesn’t matter if it’s a vase, a coffee mug, a mason jar or a paper cup; just write it down, and find some way to discuss it. Blowing off issues and letting things that are important to you fall by the wayside will only make them magnify in time. The Talking Vase is just a suggestion. Find your own way to do it, but just make sure that it gets done.

Don't Be a Sour-Patch Wife...

Have you ever eaten the candy in this picture? When I was young Sour Patch Kids were my favorite. They come in bright, amazing colors and, before I decided that candy wrecks tooth enamel, they got stuck between my teeth. They have a sour-tart type of powder on the outside of them, but once you bypass that, the actual candy part of gummy and sweet.
Best candy ever.
I remember when my husband and I were separated, I had the hardest time being around him without getting really upset. He would walk into a room all nonchalant, meanwhile I'm in the corner with my face all balled up, crying on the inside. I was a mess. I knew we weren't getting along but I loved him so much and it seemed like he was having a dandy time living it up without me.
I didn't know at the time, but the more I stewed over the bad things that were happening in my marriage, the angrier I got at my husband. And the longer I allowed myself to be angry, the stronger the bitterness that was brewing on the inside of me got.
I was a Sour Patch Kid without the sweet center.
Before I knew it, I couldn't even see his face in my head without getting mad. I found myself thinking about the things that went wrong in my marriage over and over and over. I ignored his phone calls and texts and didn't even acknowledge him if we were in the same room. I had gotten bitter.
And bitter is bad.

Ephesians 4:31

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander,

as well as all types of evil behavior."

 

You see that? Not only is bitterness right up there with rage and anger, but God insiders it "Evil behavior". I don't know about you, but I don't want to be associated with anything evil.

Think about it like this: You and your husbands have been together for quite some time. You have had disagreements, arguments, fights and altercations. You have been hurt and you have done some hurting. You have said that you have forgiven him, but every time he does something that you don't like, you begin to think about all of the things that he had done wrong.

But you don't just think about these things, you meditate on them. You think about them over and over and over until you have looked at the issue from every possible angle. You get mad at your husband, not for this most recent issue, but for all of the other issues that you have been through.

You are holding a grudge, and the anchor to that grudge is bitterness.

Proverbs 14:10 says that each heart knows it's own bitterness, and no one can joy in it. You cannot expect to enjoy your marriage or anything that comes along if bitterness is in your heart. Bitterness kills relationships because it blocks forgiveness.

Forgiveness frees your and your heart to love freely. We want to love our husbands and we want them to love us, so we have to forgive and keep forgiving. We cannot keep replaying bad times in our minds because we will begin to look for bad, and we will stay mad. I am a witness that, when those thoughts of past times pop into your head, giving them energy can do much harm to your relationship with your man. When they come, dismiss them. When they pop in, choose to forgive your husband right then and there and move on to something else. Don't get distracted by the foolish, but keep holding on and have faith that God will allow good times to begin to outweigh the bad.

Think about the Sour Patch Kids; at first, they will put a bad taste in your mouth. But if you stick with it, things get a lot sweeter.



Kiss Him, Girl!!!

 

Have you ever seen that television show that ends every episode saying "Take a little time to enjoy the view"?
Well you, my dear, need to take a little time and kiss your husbands.
Yeah, you read it right. I said, KISS YOUR HUSBAND.
And I'm not just talking about a peck here and there. I mean the real deal. A back bending, mind blowing, smearing your lipstick kind of kiss.
Why am I discussing this, you may ask? Well, I'll tell you.
But first, a scripture!

Song of Solomon 1:2

"Let him kiss me with the kisses

Of his mouth!
For your love is better than wine..."

 

Yes, kisses are a wonderful thing. Don't know where they came from, but it was an awesome invention.

So, why should you kiss your husband? There are so many reason, but let me hit you with just a few:

Kissing lowers stress levels. Who couldn't use a little anxiety relief?

It decreases the stress hormone cortisol and increases serotonin, which gives effects similar to meditation. It also improves our moods by increasing endorphins, which is known as the feel good hormone. 

Kissing promotes oral health. Who needs a dentist when you have a husband to kiss?

It improves our immunity by releasing antibodies that kill bacteria. And kissing helps us prevent cavities by increasing saliva that washes our teeth. It has also been shown that our saliva secretes natural antibiotics when we kiss. (Just kidding about the dentist)

Kissing calms us down and promotes pleasure. In other words, it gets the juices flowing!

It increases levels of oxytocin otherwise known as the "love hormone" which calms us down. It also reduces pain through our saliva which contains a kind of anesthetic and increases pleasure by releasing dopamine. It puts something on your mind for later. *wink wink*

Kissing keeps a marriage strong. Who is closer than 2 people whose faces are touching? LOL

It promotes togetherness. It's been said that couples who kiss regularly live five years longer than those who don’t.

Honestly, anything promotes intimacy and bonding is good for your marriage. When you are kissing, you aren't arguing or even thinking about arguing. You are 100% focused on your man, and he needs that. It's good for you as well. It puts your mind at ease. You know that, for a few minutes, he is totally and completely taken with you. Yes, kissing may lead to sex, and I'm sorry if I feel like that isn't exactly a horrible thing. But, it can be a preview for the coming attraction.
Also, kissing can be romantic and sexy and flirty and hot. Who doesn't want that when you're married. There are too many rumors floating around that intimacy ends at the "I do". It should not be all bills and babies in your marriage. Spice it up, doll!
A kiss when waking, another before leaving and one when he arrives home can set the atmosphere for when the kids are in bed. It may not work, but then again, what if it does?
Gone girl. Give him a kiss...