I've had this ongoing problem with my husband for a while now. Well, while is quite the understatement since I've had this issue with him since right after our honeymoon. Despite our six children, my husband has a zero capacity for romance. I'm not exaggerating in the least bit. I'm not sure if he missed some romance lessons along the road of life or what but, he lacks a certain level of affection that I feel like I've been begging for throughout or marriage.
Some would say, "Why haven't you asked for what you want?". Well, I've asked, suggested, yelled, screamed, cried and even bargained. Nothing has worked. I think he just doesn't have those romantic-comedy movie/novel bones that I've heard and read so much about from Lifetime move networks and voyeuristic conversations with other ladies that I've come in contact with.
I know, I know. I can't base my life and marriage on the lives if others, whether they be fictional or fact.
But a girl can dream...
Anyway, I'm not so sure that he lacks romantic bones, I think its just that his romance bones are more practical than fairy tale.I know that he loves me and adores our children and our happy little home. I love that he works hard to make sure that we have everything that we need and most of the things that we want. Sometimes it would be nice to have some of the bouquets of roses and back-bending, Scarlett O'Hara-style kisses, but I have to work with what I have.
And so do you.
Romans 12:9
"Love must be genuine..."(NIV)
See, the thing is, my husband can try to change and do all the things I've read in books and seen on TV but it wouldn't be his love. He wouldn't be authentic and uniquely him. Why would I want him to act like someone else when he's the one that I fell in love with? Yes, taking my desires and needs from him into consideration every once in a while would be nice, but I want him, not him acting like someone else.
I'm not saying that I have discontent for my husband, however, sometimes I would like to have a little love the way I like love. I like hugs and kisses and touching and affection and surprises without an apology and text messages telling me how deeply in love he is with me. And the few occasions that I have received those things I will never forget. But, I have to realize how my husband shows his love to me.
He romances me by gets up every morning, despite the extremely colorful language that I hear after the fifth or sixth time he's taken advantage of the snooze button, to go to work and provide for myself and our children until I finish school.
He pays every bill faithfully in order for us to have electricity to work/play on our many electronic devices and watch the 700+ channels on television.
He washes his own clothes, which I haven't decided is a blessing or a curse.
He is quite easy on the eyes, and can still make me blush and giggle like a high school girl with just one look from across the room.
*Sigh*
Bottom line is, I like how he loves me. Wouldn't change it for the world. And I would hope that he likes how I love him to. I struggled with being submissive and not wanting to lose myself, but part of Sam is her being my husband's wife. I want to be good at it. So I love him my way, but with him-influences.
Do you take your husband's desires into consideration in the way you love him? If you do, kudos on learning the lesson before me! If not, think about what he likes and add that to how you like to do it.
I don't know about you, but how he wants it is giving me his best.
And that's exactly how I want it...
4 What Do You Think?:
Sometimes I feel that way about my husband - but then I remember he wasn't Prince Charming, Rhett Butler or Mr. Darcy when we were dating - why do I expect him to change into that because we are married?
Still doesn't change the fact that I sometimes I want a little more romantic comedy and a little less practical - but hey. Practical is good. Practical lasts. :)
Love this line: "So I love him my way, but with him-influences." We've been married 23 years. Over those years we've both been selfish, we've both been giving to a fault, and we've found the happy medium. We try to do what the other wants within our own comfort level, remaining true to both of us in the process. It does take practice and letting go of some expectations the world has thrown at us. I'll take stability and devotion over worship, flattery, and gifts any day.
Great thoughtful post. Happy Sharefest. I hope you have a lovely weekend.
What a great honest look at the expectations of marriage. I think we all fall into the trap of sometimes comparing our lives to those we see on screen - or even in our neighborhood, I find that I am (and we are) happiest when we treat the other with kindness, looking for the good in each other rather than complaining about the things that annoy us. I have to remember that not only am I far from perfect but also my way of doing things is not the only right way. Stopped by from Sharefest. happy weekend!
Thanks for reading ladies!
Post a Comment