He is Me...

Having problems understanding that man of yours? Does he do things or say things that make your head spin?

Relax, you aren't insane.

I say this a lot, and I'm going to keep saying it; men are different from women and not just physically. They think in a totally different way that us girls. That might be bad and it might be good, depends on how you look at it. I look at it as a good thing. I would never want to be with someone who thinks and acts exactly like me. 

That would really get on my nerves.

But there are ways that you can gain some insight into the mind of your man. Think about the last disagreement that you had that left your face hot and your attitude flare. There is one sure-fire way to understand his way of thinking as opposed to yours:

Become him.

Yup. I said it.
Since you know him so well, his mannerisms and his moods, his attitudes and his issues. You know your husband's schedule and his favorites. You of all people should be the last person in the world that is left at a loss concerning the things of your man. When he starts acting screwy, sit and think.
You may know more than you're giving yourself credit for.

Mark 10:8

" '...and the two are united into one.'

since they are no longer two,

but one..." (NLT)

When you and your husband were joined in marriage, you became one... Literally. 

You and your husband were two individual people that joined together to become one person. You weren't two halves of a person; it's two whole people that became one whole person. You are an extension of your husband, and your husband is an extension of you. No one should know you better than your husband. And no one should know your husband better than you.

So why is it that when he does something that you don't like or don't understand, you act like you have no idea who he is? You know better.

He is you! He's part of you. You know yourself, so you know him. God unified you both when you said "I do", and you are a part of each other. I'm not sure what you've heard, but there is no trick or secret to understanding your man. 

Think about it like this: you know how it feels when everything in your marriage is running smoothly. You and your husband aren't just married, but you're friends. You enjoy spending time together and everything is flowing right. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, your husband does something that hurts you and you shut down. When he tries to ask what he did wrong, you say "You know me well enough to know what you did. I shouldn't have to tell you..."

So you  know how frustrating that is?!? The same goes for you. You should know him well enough to know that, if something's wrong with him, you have the means to find out.

Step out of yourself and step into your husband's shoes.
Become him...

The Other Woman...

Sooo, I tend to stay away from the intimacy-related topics. My friends like to laugh at me because my husband and I have six children, but talking about sex makes me blush. I'm not good with the talking...

Doing is something altogether different.
Anyway, sex is something that is one of the perks to being married. Even though some of us had sex before we got married, once we dedicated our lives and bodies to our husbands before God, its fine now. Actually, encouraged may be a better word. Sexy time keeps you and your husband close, keeps tempers from flaring and is a nice way to burn a few calories.
I'm just saying...
But, after you have been married for a while, you have to find ways to keep each other interested. It's not all your responsibility; your husband has to keep his game current as well. But since this is a blog for wives, we're going to focus on us. In order to keep our husbands happy, ourselves happy and keep our marriages intact, sometimes we have to allow the other woman to take over.
No I'm not talking about a threesome, nasty. I'm talking about a woman who knows how to let her hair down and try new things. She doesn't care about bills and kids; she just wants to have fun. This woman likes to please your husband and likes to be pleased herself. She is free to be sensual, seductive and sexy.
This woman is you.
Girl please. Stop acting like you don't have an alter ego/freaky side! Even if its just a passing thought sometimes, at some point you need to free yourself. I mean, this is your husband. You said the words "til death" in your vows. That's a long time and some of those tricks that were daring on the honeymoon will eventually get old. We have to continue to grow, not just in maturity and in body, but in sexy too.

1 Corinthians 7:34

"...But a married woman is concerned 

about the affairs of this world-

how she can please her husband." (NIV)

People have gotten married and have become way too deep.

Why are you acting like a prude? Don't look at me like that. It's our job to keep our husband's attention.I'm sure you've heard the phrase "Lady in the street; freak in the sheets". As funny as it is, that's how wives should live their lives. The scripture says that, now that we are wives, we can't only be concerned with things outside of our marriages. Our interests are divided. We care for ourselves and everything else AND the man that we prayed and asked God to send us.
Yes, I am a Christian. And, yes, that does mean I left the things of the world behind. But does that mean that we are only limited to missionary positions in pitch black rooms?
Um. No.
The are so many things that you can do different. I could give you some tips, but I won't. The first thing that you can do is ask your husband. YES! Who better to ask than the other person included? Ask him what he likes and what he might want to try. Believe me, you might just have to shut him up. 

You have "affairs" to be concerned about. If you're like me, you separate every aspect of your life into a different compartment. Mom, student, daughter, minister, everything else... Wife. Every area has its own duties, every area has its own level of attention. So, just like my kids call me "Mommie" and my church calls me "Elder", my sexy side has her own identity. She's someone that can be free to do what it takes to please her husband. And I let her.

So find your inner sexy, hunni. It frees you to be you. Go ahead...

Let your husband meet the other woman...

Female, Woman, Lady...

I wish I could take credit for the topic of this post, but I can't. This post is my interpretation of a Word that an awesome woman spoke into my life at a women's service I attended last week. I'm not sure if she will ever read my blog, but this message not only stuck in the forefront of my mind, but it changed my life. So, just in case you do read it, thank you Apostle Sharon Ruff.

Are you a female, a woman or a lady?

I bet you had no idea that there was a difference, because I know that I didn't.

I thought about this, and thought and thought and thought some more, and realized that I am all three at one time. 

Let me explain...

1 Corinthians 13:11

"When I was a child, I talked like a child,

I thought like a child,

I reasoned like a child.

When I became a man,

I put the ways of childhood behind me." (NIV)

A female describes gender, yes, but it also describes a mindset. They can be young in age, but they also have a young mindset which makes them immature. A female is basically a girl, a teenager. She doesn't know anything, and that makes her actions dangerous for her. She hasn't been anywhere, and hasn't done anything, which means she hasn't learned anything. The female is young, full of energy and eager, but needs a mentor that has patience to teach her and help her along the way, or she will make considerable mistakes along the way.

A woman is a slightly more mature version of a female. Women think that, because they have lived their lives and learned a few things, they are entitled to things and know everything. She has learned some lessons, yes, but she still has a few more to learn. Women are set in their ways; they think they are everything they want to be and don't think that they can grow anymore. Women don't think they need other people and feel that helping others isn't there business. 

A lady is fully matured. She knows that she can say, do and go wherever she wants, but she doesn't have to. She is comfortable in her own skin and doesn't have to lie to herself or anyone else. She walks with confidence and grace. When she speaks you can tell that she's sure of herself and the words that she speaks. She doesn't try to impress, but she is impressive none the less. A lady knows that very few things in life are given and are earned through hard work and perseverance. She knows that as long as she continues to live, she will continue to grow. Ladies know that, since they have lived and learned, that they have a responsibility to help the females and ladies that they come in contact with to become everything that they are destined to be.

I've always loved the word "lady". It just puts me in the mind of someone sophisticated and demure.

I personally believe that you can be more than one at any given time. Like me. I am more woman than female, but not quite up to lady; but I'm close. I may be female in some aspects of my life, woman in others, and lady in a few. I'm lady enough to know that everything doesn't have to be a fight, and everything doesn't have to go my way. I can talk instead of yell and speak to be understood, not just to be heard. 

My point is, sometimes you have to step outside of yourself, look back at yourself and see yourself as you are. Being a wife doesn't make you a lady; you can get married and not know a doggone thing. Its part of your process to know when its time to grow up.

It's okay if you are still a female; that's where you start the journey! The first step in the process of growth is knowing where you are. The second step is knowing that you want to change FOR YOU. When you grow as a person the process is extremely personal and time consuming; it doesn't happen overnight. The process of self-evolution will not be a success if you are doing it for others. it has to be your choice and you have to do it for you.

So which one are you, or do you know? Are you a female in some areas? Woman? Lady? Help us help ourselves and share.

The thing is, you have to keep moving and never stop evolving.  We have to learn how to put the childish behavior to bed and start growing up. Life gets easier when you live it and not fight it.There are so many different aspects of our lives to grow in.

 It's about time to find out...

It's Getting Kinda Hectic...

My marriage had some really real challenges really early on. My husband and I had to overcome some really deep issues within the first six years of our marriage. It seems like, almost from day one, we had drama after drama. Everyday there was something new. From financial difficulty to employment issues, to four pregnancies and car repossessions, to eviction and separation. And this isn't even everything! Add post partum depression to the party and we were having a ball!

Yeah, I know...

 Most people don't encounter the issues that my husband and I have within a lifetime of marriage, let alone in the first few years. Sooo, while all of these things were going on, the ups and the downs, my emotions were on a roller coaster as well. I was extremely unstable, because my environment were unstable. I would go days without speaking, even to my husband. I wasn't going to church or talking to friends. I wasn't doing anything but dwelling on the problems that I was facing. And to make matters worse, so was my husband. We weren't leaning on each other, so we made everything worse. We both knew the way we wanted our marriage to go,and it wasn't going the way we wanted it to. We were focusing on the wrong things.

Philippians 4:12-13, 19

"I've learned by now to be quite content whatever the circumstances.

I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little.

I've fount the recipe for being happy

whether full or hungry,

hands full or hands empty.

Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything

in the One who makes me who I am...

You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, 

His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours out from Jesus." (The Message)

It is so easy to get caught up in what is going on in our lives. Look at the things we were going through. Major stuff up there, people! But there are two things that I want you to remember when you and your husband come up against some major things in your life:

~You can lean on each other. When you have stuff going on, you have a live-in best friend. Your husband is there for you, and he's interested. I thought that my hubby could care less about what I was going through, but that was my opinion. He cared a lot. And I wasted so many tears and so much time carrying around these problems when I could have shared the load with him from the beginning.

~You can lean on God. He can change every situation faster than you can even pray about it. 

I had to lean how to adapt to have joy no matter what the situation. We had lack for so long, it became expected. But when your marriage and your life is a living example of faith in God. When you are standing on that faith, your issues aren't yours, they're His. So you can be free to be happy and know that He will take care of it all.
God doesn't want us to have stress; it portrays a lack of faith. It shows Him that, we don't trust Him to work things out, we want to do is ourselves.

How's that working out for you?
Whether you and your husband are rich or poor, live in a mansion or the projects, drive a Bentley or a bucket, be content. It may seem hectic for a while, like you are working for nothing, barely paying bills and at each other's throats. Smile, laugh together and love each other, no matter what. Stand with him and stay there. For every trial that you have, love each other that much harder. Stick it out.
Better is coming. 

You're a SuperWife!!!

We do so much talking about the things that we do wrong and the things that we can improve on that I wanted to take some time to encourage you. You are a great wife.
Sometimes this thing is a thankless job. You do so much for your husband and your family that sometimes the "please"s and "thank you"s get lost in translation. We go, go, go, go. But I wanted to let you know that, even when you fall short or mess up, the fact that you haven't given up in mind or in deed, shows that you still care, and you are doing an amazing job. 

1 Thessalonians 5:11

"Therefore comfort each other and edify one another,

just as you are doing." (NIV)

You have been working hard to make your wife's style work for you. You have been comforting your husband and supporting him. Taking care of him and loving him. Praying for him and ministering to him. Being a wife is more than a full-time job. Its a couple of jobs with mandatory overtime!  But remember, its a labor of love. The last conversation that we had was about having a vision for your marriage. You are a mandatory part of making sure that the vision you and your husband share comes to pass. You're the wife! There would be no marriage without you. You can't do everything and your husband can't do everything. Its a combined effort.

There won't always be appreciation. You won't always be told how much that man needs you. You have to know within yourself that you are necessary, not just for the vision of your marriage, but the vision for his life. He can't be who God has ordained him to become without you being his wife. That's nothing to brag about, but something to be confident in. 

If you are doing the best that you can as a wife to your husband, continue to move in that place. If you know that you can do better or do more, ask God to show you what more you can do and what you can change. This is your life too. You have a say. You have a measure of power, through God.

But if no one tells you, let me be the first. You're comforting your husband and edifying your husband. 

You're awesome. Keep it up...