Letter to an Unfaithful Husband...

Dear Unfaithful Husband,

There are so many things that go through the minds of a wife that has been affected by your actions. Some of them you many know, but I guarantee, some of them will surprise you .

Your wife loves you. She has done so many things for you; things that you know and things that you don't. She washed your clothes, cooks your meals and takes care of your children. She listens to you talk about your family and complain about your job, soaking up every detail. Its not because she doesn't have anything better to do. Its because she cares about you and everything that concerns you. And after she listens, she takes your concerns to her Heavenly Father and prays for you.

You have a wife that is the epitome of a help-meet. She wakes up early to make sure that everyone has everything that they need for the entire day. She knows the location of everything that you cannot find, including keys and stray socks. She picks up dry cleaning and grocery shops, planning meals and balancing check books. Although she may be exhausted, she loves her family and that makes all the work she does that much easier. She drives kids to school, runs errands, punches a clock of her own, cleans, cooks, launders, referees, nurses, repairs, delegates, supervises and still has time to love you.

This wife that you chose? The one that you courted and called, pursued and proposed? The one that you vowed to love, honor and cherish? The one that you entered into covenant with in front of loved ones, friends and family? Somewhere along the line you began to take everything that she did for you for granted. Her early rising to take care of her loved ones became irritating to you because she disturbed your sleep. Her job as a full-time wife and mother angered you because she wasn't financially contributing to the household and, therefore, she wasn't as important to the family as you are. She hangs up on you when you say something she doesn't like and she ignores you when you hurt her feelings. She gained weight after having your children and may not look the way she did when you first met. She let herself go, you think to yourself. And because of that, you stopped taking her out. Not because you were embarrassed; you just needed some space. She was so tired from her daily activities on some nights that she fell asleep when you wanted to make love. How neglectful! Marriage is so much different than you thought it would be. She expects things from you and you have to put forth effort to make her smile, when it was so easy before.  She couldn't possibly care about you as much as you need her to.
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And then, you saw that pretty face and that nice shape walk past. You had seen it before but you never really SAW it until now. She smiled when she noticed that your glances were starting to linger and she laughed at your lame attempts at humor. She invited you out and at first you declined, but when you got home and saw your wife had fallen asleep, again, while waiting for you to come home, the offer sounded better the next time. Before you know it, you were dating another woman and lying to your wife. Maybe it was just one date, maybe you started a whole new relationship. It doesn't matter. The point is, you are now an unfaithful husband.

The funny thing is, your wife knew. She may not have had proof, but her women's intuition told her that her husband's heart had split. His affections had strayed and his attention was somewhere else. But when she found out, when her suspicions became reality, you don't have the slightest clue of the damage that has just begun. Her tears may be visible at first, but then they just become a constant internal river. You can apologize and giver her some space, but that doesn't mean as much as you think it does. What she wants is for this cancer not to have attacked her life, but since it did, she has to deal with it.

Let me help you understand the level of pain that your wife is in right now. Have you ever been in a fight? Punched in the face, hair pulled, kneed in the groin and punched in the stomach? Yeah, its much worse than any fight you have ever been in. You have knocked the wind out of her without laying a hand on her. All the color has left her world and nothing seems like it will ever be the same. The sound of your voice makes her skin crawl, and the thought of you touching her again is her biggest dream and her worst nightmare. Have you ever loved something and hated it at the same time? No? Well she has, and she sees it every time she looks at you. She can't sleep because every time she closes her eyes she can see you loving someone else. She may not know exactly who she is or what she looks like, but in her mind, this woman is more beautiful than her, smarter than her, sexier than her.... Better than her. Her self-esteem, though it may be temporary, has been diminished to being nonexistent. As much as she can't sleep at night, the thought of getting up in the morning and doing anything is the last thing that she feels like doing. But she does, because that's who she is.

No apology in the world can erase your infidelity, husband. Your flowers, jewelry, outfits, purses and intentions may be nice, but they are doing nothing but showing the love of your life how guilty you are. And the most damaging part? You really are sorry. You stopped talking to this other woman, cutting off all ties and breaking another heart. You walked away and avoided her at all cost. However, the damage is done. Now, you have to rebuild.

Its up to you. You have to show your wife that you are worthy of her. Yes, she is your wife already, but you have to win her heart back. It will seem to get old and tiring, but she's worth it because, even through a shattered heart, she loves you more than ever. She's still dedicated to you and taking care of you. She is yours and she acts like it. You many have to apologize a million times, you may have to hold her when she cries, because she will cry. You may need to listen to her yell and stay silent when she talks, but this time, listen. Listen to her concerns and listen to her fears. Don't say anything yet; your promises aren't valid as of yet. Listen to her, and if you love her, consider her. She loves you. She could drag your name through the mud and bad-mouth you all over town, but she didn't. She could have went out and gotten herself another man that will actually treat her like he likes her instead of like an obligation, but she didn't. She loves you.

So, Unfaithful Husband, you have your work cut out for you. Your wife may not be perfect, but remember: you chose her. You called and courted, you purposed and pursued... Her. You promised to love, honor and cherish her.  Regardless to what she did, she didn't deserve for her world to be shattered, but it was, and you did it. She wasn't perfect before, but now you see just how perfect for you she is. So love her. The Bible says to love your wife "as Christ loved the Church". He would do anything for His church; providing, caring, nurturing and giving Himself over to it... Literally. He threw Himself into His Church. Want to know how to live your wife and win her back? Take a note from your wife. Ask your Heavenly Father.

He has all the answers.....