"Are you really interested in seeing our marriage healed and restored or are you just talking?"
This is the question that I began to ask myself after the last ridiculous argument hat my husband and I had. Because, at the point that we were in our marriage, that last one was the straw and the camel's spine just snapped in half. I think both of us were tired: tired of arguing, tired of cursing, tired of missing each other.
I don't know about him, but I missed my husband. We had both been through a lot, both grew into these two, extremely attractive (lol), fabulous people, walking around the house like we were drawing battle lines.
Something had to give.
So I was sitting in the kitchen one day, cooking dinner and reading a book, when I heard something say "Are you being real about this, or are you just talking? Because I'd you really want things to change, you're the woman to change them."
So I decided to look at my marriage at every angle, but from the outside. Not with my feelings in the way, but from a truly objective perspective.
What I saw wasn't good.
We both were hurt, and had spent so much time building up a wall between each other so we wouldn't get hurt again, we couldn't see each other anymore. At that moment, I had to make a decision; continue to build my wall until it led to divorce court, or take matters into my own hands.
I took a deep breath and got to work... On myself.
I started to observe myself in my marriage.
~ What was I doing that my husband was unhappy with?
~ Was I, as a wife, doing everything that I could to be a wife that would please my husband?
~ Why was I so dead-set against doing some of the things that my husband expected me, as his wife, to do?
~ Why did I react to my husband the way that I did? Why did the way that I respond to him change?
~ Had I really forgiven him for everything that had happened in the past, even before we got married?
~ Could it be possible that I am making more of a contribution to the problem than the solution?
Understand this: no matter what arguments we had, fights we fought, doors we slammed, curses we yelled, names we called or nights we slept alone, if I as a wife wanted my marriage to be sustained and my successful, I had to be the one to start the change. You can walk around pouting and holding on to past hurts that stew inside of you until they become one big steaming pot of bitterness if you want to. But while you're busy with your bitterness, your marriage is failing and your husband is leaving, definitely emotionally and possibly physically.
That change was slow, and it took some time for both of us to change and for our marriage to change. But it did.
Whatever change you want to occur, don't wait on your husband to apologize; it might never happen. Be the strong woman that you are and move forward from this very moment. It only takes one person...
Will that be you?
1 What Do You Think?:
I bless God for this post because it truly causes us as wives to look at the bigger picture (and that is US). I remember going to God concerning my husband and all of the things he was doing to me and then I heard Him say, "well Shaquita what did you do". That blow my mind because never had I once thought about the things that I did to make him say certain things or act a certain way. From that point on the Lord began to deal with me concerning "ME". Self examiniation will cure ALOT of the issues that we have concerning our husbands. Understanding while we as women desire to be loved our men desire to be respected. (OUCH) This is the truth above everything else our husbands want respect. Sometimes it take us to shut our mouths and listen because if you truly know your husband you will hear he is crying out for respect. Again Samatha I thank God for this post and thank you so much for sharing.
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