Perfection? No Thanks...

I think that the best thing about reading the Bible is reading about the life of our lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He was an awesome man in general. Jesus was sure of himself, sure of his purpose and sure of his future.
But the thing that bothered the Pharisees, or the "church people", was that Jesus lived what he spoke.

He wasn't the hypocrite that they tried their darndest to prove him to be. He didn't gossip or backbite. He didn't go to church and say one thing and do something different when he left. He didn't spending time preaching to the multitudes about how loving and awesome his Father was and go out to the club that might and get drunk.

Jesus Christ was consistent. That something that I have failed to master in any area of my life. Especially my marriage. As a matter of fact, the only thing I seem to be consistent in is being inconsistent in my marriage. So many times I read about the life of Christ and feel oh so very inferior and undeserving. Even though he was the Son of God, he was a flesh born individual, just like you and me. Jesus encountered the same temptations and obstacles that we do, but he never even considered turning against his Father's words. Sin and doubt wasn't an options.
Sure, the tempting may not have come in the form of chat rooms on the Internet, cigarettes or your friendly neighborhood liquor store, but it was temptation still. After all, the word says that there is nothing new under the sun.

Yup, that's in the Bible too. (Ecclesiastes 1:9)

Romans 3:10 "There is no one righteous; not even one..."

No matter how perfect try to be or how hard you try to please your husband, your children and everyone else in your life, you will never be perfect. The only thing that you will do if you keep trying to be perfect is wear yourself out. It's useless. If you come into contact with anyone that claims to be perfect, do me a favor... RUN THE OTHER WAY!!! Either that person is a liar or they are crazy. Any way you look at it, you don't need to be anywhere around them. The best thing that you can do is try to be the best you that God designed you to be.

Romans 1:6 "...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ."

Perfection on Earth is not something that you need to be concerned about. There is no such thing as the perfect wife or mother. We won't be perfect until the day that God cracks the sky and calls us home. As long as you are living in the will of the Lord, and maintaining your life and home to the best of your abilities, you will be blessed.
 So after thinking and praying about it, I realize that I will never be able to live my life the way that Jesus Christ lived His. If I could reach perfection, then I would have no need for my Savior... And I need my savior. His life as told in the Bible is an example of what to strive for; but not to be achieved. It's not possible.

I'm not saying that you don't need to change anything. There are so many things that I need to change and some things I am actually taking the steps to change. What I'm saying is, search yourself for what you want to change and seek God for what He wants to change. Take the criticisms of others with an open mind and a grain of salt. The words and thoughts of other people should not cause you to set about a drastic change in your life. You're wonderful the way you are. God created you in His image and after His likeness. At this exact moment, you look like what He wants you to look like, you are who He wants you to be. 

Imperfect.

So I learned that I am in no way perfect; and I'm okay with that.

And you can be okay with that too.

Forgiving Isn't Forgetting... It's Forgiving

My name for this blog, Encouraging Words for an Insane Wife, isn't just random. I heard someone say "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over as expecting a different result". Sound familiar? Let's have an example, shall we?
Your husband did something that hurt your feelings. I mean, really hurt your feelings. It hurt you so much that you literally felt your heart break, and it caused you to see your boo in a different light. From that day on, you still loved that man, but he looked like a different man. Days, weeks, maybe even months pass, and you have both moved on... Well, maybe he has. But every so often, there's a word that he says or a way that he moves that seems to bring to your remembrance that one thing that he did, so long ago, that hurt you so deeply. Has that ever happened? You can feel that pain right now can't you? It's like it's happening all over again at this exact moment.

Now, take a deep breath... In... Out...
And on three...
LET IT GO!
That's right I said it.  Even though that's your husband, and you love the pants off that man, you're holding a grudge. You've been reliving that hurt and going over every word and every deed that he did that fateful day. Every time he makes a face, you remember. When he stays out late, you remember. When he comes home early, you remember.
 

*knock knock* You're being insane!

What makes you think going back to that hurt over and over will make any changes in your marriage in the future? He's walking around smiling and laughing like everything is all good and you're sitting there stirring up that big pot of bitterness again.

Let me hit you with something real quick; your husband may have hurt your feelings in the worst way... But you stayed...

WOW! Oh my...

You decided to stay in your marriage. You decided to move on with your husband. So decide to forgive. No one said you have to forget. But you DO have to forgive.
Matthew 6:14 "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."
 

Yup, that's in the Bible too!

You don't forgive your husband for him. You forgive your husband so God will forgive you.
I understand that, as you are reading this, you might be asking "How am I supposed to do that?"
Well my dear, there is no specific formula for forgiving anyone, especially someone that you are around constantly. I can't right you put a recipe for you... It's just something that you have to decide within yourself that you are going to do. If you say that you are going to forgive your husband every morning, fifty times a day and every night; If that's what you have to do then do it. Spend time in prayer and ask your Father what you should do roger it done. Release that man AND that hurt. You'll feel better. It may not happen over night. But it can happen.

Now take another deep breath...
In... Out...
Go give your husband a big hug and kiss...
And forgive him :)

But... But... But my butt!!!

 

"But he doesn't do this! But he doesn't say that! But he never did this! But he won't give me that!"

But... But... But my butt!

You are equally as responsible for our marriage as your husband is...

BOOM!

Have you ever thought about that? You aren't married by yourself and neither is your husband. You all are equal parts of the same covenant.

When things go right you can't take all the credit, so why should our husband take all of the blame when things go wrong?

Don't believe you have a hand in it? Let's look to the Word:

Genesis 2:18- "The Lord God said, " It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

Still don't get it? Okay...

Responsibility #1: "Its not good for the man to be alone..."

Man's original purpose through Adam was to work. God gave you to your husband so that he wouldn't be alone when his work was done. You are his companion, his friend, his rest, his gift.

Responsibility #2: "I will make a helper suitable for him..."

God made your position as your husband's wife. It is your choice whether you will walk in your "suitability" or not.

Responsibility #3: "The Lord God said..." That should about do it. God established this marriage thing the way he wanted it to be. We are the ones that changed it. We have a responsibility to do things His way and not our own.

Our Heavenly Father created us with everything that we need to be our husband's suitable mate; his helpmeet. We might not know we have it, but it's all in there. You know your husband better than anyone else in the world; if you don't you have been put in the position to. You know what he likes and dislikes. When he wants company and when he needs to be left alone. When he wants help and when he can handle things on his own. If something is going wrong or if things aren't what you think they should be, don't complain (out loud or even in your thoughts). Take it to the Lord. No buts, no excuses. After you've prayed about it, take the time to make sure that you are living up to your suitability. Make sure you are being the wife to your husband that God made you for. And believe that God is doing the same in your husband.

After all, helpmeet doesn't mean you are authorized to make the necessary changes that you see need to be adjusted.

It means you help him meet needs. His and yours.

No buts....

It Starts with One...

"Are you really interested in seeing our marriage healed and restored or are you just talking?"
This is the question that I began to ask myself after the last ridiculous argument hat my husband and I had. Because, at the point that we were in our marriage, that last one was the straw and the camel's spine just snapped in half. I think both of us were tired: tired of arguing, tired of cursing, tired of missing each other.
I don't know about him, but I missed my husband. We had both been through a lot, both grew into these two, extremely attractive (lol), fabulous people, walking around the house like we were drawing battle lines.
Something had to give.
So I was sitting in the kitchen one day, cooking dinner and reading a book, when I heard something say "Are you being real about this, or are you just talking? Because I'd you really want things to change, you're the woman to change them."
So I decided to look at my marriage at every angle, but from the outside. Not with my feelings in the way, but from a truly objective perspective.
What I saw wasn't good.
We both were hurt, and had spent so much time building up a wall between each other so we wouldn't get hurt again, we couldn't see each other anymore. At that moment, I had to make a decision; continue to build my wall until it led to divorce court, or take matters into my own hands.
I took a deep breath and got to work... On myself.
I started to observe myself in my marriage.
~ What was I doing that my husband was unhappy with?
~ Was I, as a wife, doing everything that I could to be a wife that would please my husband?
~ Why was I so dead-set against doing some of the things that my husband expected me, as his wife, to do?
~ Why did I react to my husband the way that I did? Why did the way that I respond to him change?
~ Had I really forgiven him for everything that had happened in the past, even before we got married?
~ Could it be possible that I am making more of a contribution to the problem than the solution?

Understand this: no matter what arguments we had, fights we fought, doors we slammed, curses we yelled, names we called or nights we slept alone, if I as a wife wanted my marriage to be sustained and my successful, I had to be the one to start the change. You can walk around pouting and holding on to past hurts that stew inside of you until they become one big steaming pot of bitterness if you want to. But while you're busy with your bitterness, your marriage is failing and your husband is leaving, definitely emotionally and possibly physically.
That change was slow, and it took some time for both of us to change and for our marriage to change. But it did.
Whatever change you want to occur, don't wait on your husband to apologize; it might never happen. Be the strong woman that you are and move forward from this very moment. It only takes one person...
Will that be you?

So I'm a Wife... So What?!?!

When you were standing in front of the pastor, judge, justice of the peace that performed your marriage vows, were you anticipating your reception? your wedding night? or your marriage???

Be honest.... I'll wait....

If we are honest with ourselves as women, when we agree to wed the man that we consider the "Love of our Life", our concerns aren't always on the duration of our marriage. We are anticipating our beautiful wedding, our hot reception and our even hotter wedding night. (Sorry if I offend...)

The reality of the situation is, we should plan more for our marriage than we do for our wedding day.
*We should research keeping our homes the way we research reception halls. 

*We should seek out the counsel of wise women that have been married for decades the way we seek   out experienced wedding planners. 

*We should anticipate pleasing our husbands the way we anticipate our wedding guests being pleased with our DJ at the reception.

*We should think about honoring God with our marriage covenant the way we think about the 2.5 children and dog that we think would go along with our house with the white picket fence. 

But for some reason, most of us don't.

That's why the first argument turns into the first altercation that progresses into the first night of sleeping separately that escalates into the front door slamming and someone walking out. 

We need to look and plan for the future of our marriage like we plan the future for our finances with our retirement funds and 401Ks.

Sooo, the wedding dress is off, the tuxes have gone back, the  cake has been eaten, the guests have gone home and the honeymoon is over. You're a wife... NOW WHAT?!?!

We all have issues, individually and together. Our husbands are human just like us. They have flaws and so do we. But if we take the focus off of what WE think our husbands are doing wrong, and focus on what WE can do to improve ourselves as wives, we will look up and our entire marriage relationship will look different. WHY? Because we can't "fix" our husbands, but we can ask God to show us where we are going wrong, to soften our hearts and our words toward our husbands, and work on together, not separate. Its not just you anymore, hunni. 

You're a wife now :)