This is one of those "for your own good" posts. It is something that I wish God had brought to my attention about myself, and I really hope it helps you in some way or another....
When I first met my husband, after we dated for about a month, he told me that he didn't really want to be in a relationship at that point in his life. But, being the stubborn and head-over-heels type of dummy that I was, I was already in love. Or that's what I thought it was. I was twenty years old and he was just the bee's knees to me. Forget the fact that he had a child and was recently divorced, I only had eyes for him.
He told me this more than once, and he had even begun to keep company with other women, but because I was in love (and stupid), I was not in the position to hear or see that he didn't want me. So I pressed him until he thought he did.
Oh, what a fool I was.
Even after about six years, we got married and had babies, but he didn't change. Nothing, no ring, or certificate, or license, made him a different person. So eventually he left because he wasn't happy. I don't believe it is because I made him unhappy or because I was a bad wife. I believe that it was because he wasn't ready for what I wanted, but he loved me so he wanted to give it to me. It might seem foolish, but I really believed that he loved me; he just didn't want to be married. But you know what?
HE TOLD ME THAT AND I DIDN'T LISTEN!!!
Matthew 11:15
"Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand!"
Have you ever heard that saying "God gave us two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak"? Yeah, well, I heard him, but I blew him off. Who would not want to be in love? Who wouldn't want someone to care about them and take care of them? That's the way that I thought about it. I have always loved love and I have always wanted to be in love. That's just the way that I am. God created me to be a loving person but, because I wasn't using the love the correct way, I kept getting hurt.
I notice this pattern in a lot of women. They find a man and sink their nails into him, thinking that if they hold on to him hard enough, he won't leave. They have babies, fight other women and do all other sorts of foolery to try to make him see that she is the one that he wants.
But hunni, if he wants to leave, your nails aren't strong enough to keep him.
When my husband left and I decided to start dating again, God showed me this same pattern in myself. I had been healed of some things, but not others. I met someone that I really liked and we began spending time together. Even though I decided "pre-him" that I would live my life celibate, I still began having feelings for him because we spent a lot of time together. Then he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship, and I almost didn't listen. But I thank God that He used this particular man to show me that I still had a co-dependent spirit in my life. I told him I understood and it was fine if we stopped seeing each other.
My spirit-man is more important than any other man.
One thing that I know about men is that they will tell you what is on their minds, whether it be in actual words or in behavior. You just have to make yourself listen! Don't be blinded by the thought of love or the false feelings of lust to the point that you are compromising yourself and your heart for a dude. If that one crossed your path, God will send another one .
Do me a favor, and think about the guy(s) that are in your life that you really like. He might even be your boyfriend or fiancée. Think about the conversations you all have had. Has he told you anything about himself that you just didn't listen to? Has he told you that he's not ready for a serious relationship? Has he hinted around the fact that he wants to see other people? Don't waste time analyzing when you can spend time listening. He will tell you everything you want to know.
Ears are more than just holders for fab earrings, hunni....
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