I Need more Than Five Minutes... (#WifeWorthy Diaries)

Would you ever put yourself and your life and livelihood in jeopardy for five minutes?
If it were me being asked the question, by reply would be, "It depends on what happens in the five minutes".
Well, you may be closer to that than you think...
You are a beautiful, intelligent, saved-sanctified-and-Holy-Ghost filled woman, right? You go to work/school everyday, give your tithes and offering and you are just... good. You are a good woman. You very rarely curse, you give homeless people your spare change. You are just the bee's knees. And let's just say that you, being the fab woman that you are, have been dating someone exclusively. I dare call him, your boyfriend.
Well, now....
You like his eyes and his strength. You love that he loves the Lord and he pays for your dinner when you all go out. You spend time with him, and you enjoy him. His mother likes you, promising to give you the secret ingredient to her peach cobbler, and  his little sister follows you on Instagram. You think about him when you wake up in the morning, while you are on the treadmill at the gym after work and before you go to bed at night. You think about him a lot more than you would like to admit.
Daresay, are you in love with him?
Fabulous! But, before you start picking out china patterns and baby names, let's step back into reality. Love is a very general term and picking a man to have and to hold for life based on a few dates and some bomb peach cobbler may not be the best idea. Even though you and your Mr. Right spend go on date and textual day long does not change the fact that you may not have the best foundation necessary to build your life on.
I'm gonna need you to have a little more than five minutes with this guy before we talk wedding rings...

2 Peter 3:8

But you must not forget this one thing, dear friends:

A day is like a thousand years to the Lord,

and a thousand years is like a day.

You have time to make the right decision about the rest of your life. The bottom line is, the divorce rate in America is astounding these days. Between certain celebrities planning weddings for the biggest checks and primetime television shows and getting pregnant THEN deciding to get hitched, marriage had gained a very shady reputation. Have you every wondered why marriages don't last like they used to when out grandparents and great-grandparents were of the marrying age? I can tell you, but I guarantee you won't like the answer that I have to give. I have three words for you.
Pre. Marital. Sex.
Okay so that's two words, but, work with me.
People would meet, fall in love, get married THEN move in together and start a family. And in addition to that, divorce was not a pastime. People stayed married until death, because they understood the value of the vows that they took. They took them seriously!
We have a lack of seriousness in marriage these days.
Let's try to look past the tall, dark and handsome, nice cologne wearing 401K having man and see if he really has the qualities that we need for the long haul. And hold off on the sexy time. It's truly not that big of a deal, I don't care what you say. Especially seeing as how God has already declared His stance on the subject (see 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 for that info).
Take the time to see what he believes, what his values are. Understand what his belief system tells you and how close of a relationship with God he truly has. You have time; biological clocks have nothing on God.
Compared to the cost of a divorce lawyer and the price of rent, I think I can wait a lot longer than the five minutes of sexy time and the other five minutes of dating to see if he is worthy of my value.
Because I'm valuable, and so are you....

Get Ready for the Good Stuff!!!

Has your marriage been under a cloud of hurt and disappointment for a little more than a long while?
* Have you and your husband been at each other's throats for a some time now?
* Are you tired of climbing mountains and tripping over obstacles?
* Do you feel like you are reaching your breaking point?
Well, this post might be just thing you are looking for...

Haggai 2:9

 

" 'The future glory of this Temple will be greater than it's past glory,

Says the Lord Heaven's Armies.

And in this place I will bring peace.

I, the Lord of Heaven's Armies, have spoken.' "

People will tell you that the above listed questions are reasons to walk away for your husband:
* You're young and beautiful; you can find love again!
* There is no reason for you to stay in a marriage that makes you soooo unhappy!
* Girl, if he can't get it right with you, you can find someone else that will!
* You can do better...
But can you???
First of all, let me reiterate (because I know you've already heard it) the fact that no one should be telling you what you should or should not be doing where your marriage is concerned. The only three people that should totally be involved in my relationship are my, my husband and God. Other people can have an opinion, but it is best if you tell them to keep it to themselves. It has no place in your mind, right or wrong.
Secondly, the better always comes after the bad. That's just how it goes! You have bad times and bad days, you have times when you have your hand on the door knob, and times when you are packing his luggage because you want him to leave. But those times are the making times.
If everything was perfect at all times, you would have no appreciation for how good it can be, and it can definitely be good. The times when you are the lowest are great, because when you rise up, you can see how far God brought you.
I once heard the story of a very well-known couple who pastor a large church together. They have no problem saying that they were sitting in divorce court about to sign the papers to dissolve their marriage, when God intervened and told them that was not what they were meant to do.
Wow!
In divorce court, pen in hand. That means that they went through all of the arguments, fights, dismissals, slammed doors, sleepless nights and angry outbursts before they called their lawyers and started setting dates. God allowed them to go almost all they way before He said "enough".
They had to know the bad before they could see the good.
It's time to get ready to receive the good. The bad has been ruling your marriage and your attitude toward your husband for way too long. This is how the process of transformation goes:

 

Outlook + Attitude + Language + Actions= Transformation

 

Change your outlook first; what are you looking at and focusing on. If you focus on the bad in your husband and marriage, you will only see bad. Try to have a big-picture view when your relationship with your husband is concerned.

Next comes your attitude: How are you responding to your man? Is it in anger and bitterness? If it is, that may be the reason it's been so hard.

Thirdly, your language. The first word that needs to go is "divorce", followed by "separation", "can't", "won't" and any other negativity you've been bringing. And don't call each other names please. PLEASE...

And lastly, change the approach you take with your husband. Consider some of the things he complains about: cook a few of his favorite meals, try to make sure the house is a little more tidy, stop wearing that scarf to bed every night and stop saying no to sex. Just a few suggestions.

The good is on the way, but preparing for it so you won't mess it up is a big key to maintaining it when it gets there. God is bringing peace, restoration and love back into your relationship, but you have to move on the faith that you have in Him.

So do your part and let Him do the rest. Just remember the old adage:

What's to come is better than what's been...

 



The Case of the Super Bad Impression....

BTW, doesn't this title sound like a fab book title???
Anyhoo...
Am I the only person that has noticed that, when the paparazzi posts pics of celebrities and politicians, they seem to be the most unflattering pictures that could ever possibly be taken?
Even when a regular human being posts a video on YouTube, it seems like the site or it's editors pic the worst slide to make that video's profile post. It is a horrible ploy to get consumers to buy magazines and/or click website links in order to see what is going on in these famous individuals' lives that they could possibly be caught in the most unflattering manner possible...
And for me, it usually works.
I click the links every time! I fall for the advertisement that wants to poor a negative connotation onto an already famous, unsuspecting victim. Those tabloid covers make you pause and think "could that be true???"
They seem to conveniently  glaze over the good deeds that these people do and the positive attributes about their lives and careers to show the mess. Because, the mess is what people remember. The mess is what will be talked about on the blogs and the magazine covers, and on the talk shows and news feed. It's the foolishness and tomfoolery, the mistakes and the mishaps, that are emphasized and magnified. Always the bad, never the good. And most time, the majority rules; bad decision equals bad person. Judges and jurors everywhere.
But you know what? The public wouldn't find out if the person did say or show it.
How does this apply to you, you say? Well hunni, if your family/friends have a bad impression about your husband, you ma'am are the camera-flashing paparazzi...

Ephesians 4:29

"Don't use foul or abusive language.

Let everything you say be good and helpful,

So that your words will be an encouragement

To those who hear them."

 

Let me just say, I am all about talking to your most trusted friends/family to gain perspective about the things you may have going on. After all, sometimes it takes the ones that know you best to tell you if you are really wrong. I have a group of trusted advisors myself.

(Shout out to the "Cup Girls" and the Right Reverent BFF...)

However, talking to your friends to gain trusted insight on important issues and gossiping with your home girls are 2 totally different things.

There are a few signals that you can use to help you understand if you should be sharing these things with others or not:

-Did I pray about it first?

-Has this person/these people ever been jealous of me?
-Have they ever been married/in a serious relationship?
-Can I say this in front of my husband?

-Am I talking negatively about him, not the situation?

-Are my friends/family wise?

We ask ourselves these questions first so we can know whether we have there green light to go on and talk. We can't just go discussing our marriages with no plan. It's reckless and has the prospective to be damaging to the relationship you and your husband share.

I don't know about your man, but mine HATED when I talked to my friends about us. He said we should keep our business private.

I both agreed and disagreed.

I agreed because I believe in compromise. If I wanted a happy husband and a happy life, I had to yield on some things, and sorry, my friends are not more important than my husband. I will not lose my husband over a few girlfriends, no matter how far we go back.

However, on the other hand, sometimes you need to hear an objective ear. And no one knows you better than the BFFs.

The bottom line is, talking about your husband, even with your most trusted loves, has the potential to sew seeds of discord between you and he, even if he never finds out. And the enemy does this without your knowledge and/or permission! The devil would like nothing more than to destroy your marriage, because destroying a marriage destroys families and destroying families destroys society, thereby giving him access to souls to take to hell with him.

Deep stuff...

And we don't need any more problems.

Also, talking about your man negatively casts shadows. So when they see him, not only do they see the problem, but they are looking directly at the one who hurt their friend.

And if you cup girls are like mine, the shade will definitely be real when they see your husband.

We stick together over here...

And PPS, you never know who is learning and listening. Someone may look to Yu for encouragement in their own marriage/relationship. You don't want to be one of the reasons someone chooses not to marry because of the negative light you're spreading on marriage.

So, please think twice about the bad pics that you choose to share with your girls.

Some of them will never be erased....

 

 

 



 



Cold Soup and Hot Soda...

Ugh. Is there anything more disgusting?
Now, don't get all deep on me. I realize that there are recipes for soup that is supposed to be served cold. That's not what I'm talking about.
Think about when you are hungry at work, on a chilly fall day, and all you want is a nice, hot bowl of soup. You woke up thinking about it, drove to work thinking about it and sat in your morning meeting thinking about it. You rush out during your lunch hour, order your favorite kind, and run back to the break room or to your desk only to open your carryout, grab your spoon and take a big swig of... cold soup.
Yuck...
No soup cravings? Okay, well what about soda. You are hot and thirsty and only want a nice cold can or bottle of your favorite flavor soda (mine being Pepsi!). You pick it up in the convenient store, but you decide to run a few more errands before you head home. However, when you get there, take your bra off and kick your feet up, you reach into your hand bag only to find your bottle or can of tepid, room temperature soda.
No condensation in sight.
Sigh...
That feeling of disgust and irritation about your cold soup or hot soda is the same way a lot of us #WifeStyle ladies are approaching our marriages these days.
If you can't say "amen", say "ouch"...

Revelation 3:15

 

"I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold.

I wish that you were one or the other!"

My mom used to say "If you're not gonna do it right, don't do it at all!"
Apply that saying here.
Why are you going at your marriage half-heartedly? What happened to make you burst through the gates of matrimony at full speed, only to make a few laps and begin to fizzle? Is it because you're tired? Was there some type of heartbreak that made you lose you some steam? Whatever the reasons for your mediocrity, it's time to take some long, hard looks and doing some serious thinking.
If this is the attitude you've been taking toward your man and your marriage, not only are you making yourself miserable, but you are also binding the hand of God to heal, deliver and restore. Plus, the more miserable you act, the further away your husband will drift and the more unhappy you are making your children. The phrase "happy wife, happy life" applies to you and your family at all times.
I, better than most, that being married is a very difficult things. It's enjoyable and fulfilling, but you have to fight through the foolishness in order to make it to the fab. But you aren't fighting your husband; you all need to fight together. There are no enemies in your household.
Girl, its time to change your perspective, change your attitude and change your approach. Nobody likes cold soup. Nobody likes hot soda. See that sick face up there? Even he wants you to make a choice.
Pick one and stick with it...

Why Not You???

Have ever wondered why you are going through some of the things that you are going through?
Why you have the husband that you have, or why you all are going through the storms that you are? Why you have the emotional rollercoasters that you have or why you think about things the way that you do? Why you look the way that you look or sound the way that you sound or like the types of foods that you like?
Why do you have these problems????
You did everything right, right? You prayed when you were supposed to, paid your tithes, gave an offering, sang with the praise team... You even vacuum the church when your pastor asks!
But no matter what you have done, how many prayers you've prayed, you still face these ridiculously hard issues and you have no idea how to conquer them. Your husband acts like he has no desire to be your husband any more, you kids are acting like they have no regard for you, your friends don't seem to want to be your friends anymore and your family has turned on you. You have no idea what the difference is between your friends and your enemies.
Lord, WHY ME????
Um, ma'am. Why not you?

Esther 4:14b

"...Who knows if perhaps you were made

queen for just such a time as this?”

 

Let me help you out with the "why me"s you have going on right now.
I went through every one of the things that are listed above, most of them happening over a one year period. One of the things that the Lord revealed to me about that point in my life was that I was immature. I was an adult, of course, but I was very young mentally. A strong breeze would blow me over and cause tears to fall. God had to grow me up! All of the things that He allowed (not caused; allowed) me to experience and feel were sandpaper that roughed me up.

We all have to go through things! Life is truly amazing and wonderful, but it is also meant to be learned from and lived. Live life! Don't look down on the hard times and the trying periods that you may go through because they are making you who you are. God is using everything that has happened, is happening and will happen to you, to make you a better you.

Some lessons you can learn through second-hand testimony, but most times you have to live them for yourself. I was one of those women that always said "I would never" or "that would never happen to me". I promise you boo, everything that I said "never" to, happened! From disconnection notices to separation papers to abuse to eviction... Girl, I have seen it all! But I had to go through these issues in order to understand life.

So, while you are asking God why you. Start thanking Him for it being you, and to show you the lessons that you need to learn from it. You are the queen chosen to rule that kingdom.

Adjust your crown, girl. It's time to get to work...