Happy Holiday

Don't look at me like that. Yes, I know what the flag says. I didn't invent the holiday.

 But, as a wife, feel free to celebrate it. 

1 Corinthians 7:3-5

"The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality-

the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband.

Marriage is not a place to 'stand up for your rights'.

Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.

Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it

and if it's for purposes of prayer and fasting- but only for such times.

Then come back together again.

Satan has a ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it."(The Message)

Sex was created to be celebrated within marriage. That's why God created us as sexual being with feelings and urges and... such. So, since you're married, there's no reason you shouldn't be getting any! It says, clearly up there in that scripture that I found, IN THE BIBLE, that a husband should satisfy his wife and a wife should satisfy her husband... Sexually. The only time married people should abstain from sex is if its mutual, and then they should come back together... In sex.

I don't make the rules.

We have a way of making things a lot harder than they have to be. It seems that sometimes people enjoyed sex a lot more BEFORE they got married. Maybe because it was wrong to do but you did it anyway. That's backwards. Enjoy your life, your marriage and your husband now. It says "serve one another". So get to serving.

Lack of intimacy leaves room for wandering eyes which leaves room for infidelity. Nobody wants that. So...

You see the flag.Make it happen...

Happy Holiday!

Love & In Love... Which One Are You???

So, I've been thinking a lot about divorce lately. Not for any particular reason, but the concept is very interesting to me. Two people that pledged their eternal and undying love for each other somehow move from infatuation to hatred in the matter of a few short years. The most common reason for this is "irreconcilable differences".
What does that even mean?
Well, it means just what it sounds like; reasons that could not be reconciled. Somewhere between the "I do" and the bang of the judge's gavel, something happened that was not addressed. Was it that it could not be addressed? Of course not. The bottom line is, divorce occurs because the man and woman that got married decided that they didn't want to be married anymore.
They grew apart.
They couldn't find each other.
They fell out of love.
Or did they...
The word "love" is described as a "profoundly tender, passionate affection" and "a feeling of warm, personal attachment". Love is personal and its a feeling. Its an emotion. It is a choice. It can be conditional or unconditional, all depending on the person that it feeling the emotion.
Being "in love" is the conditional. Its the part of the emotion that is comes and goes. The level of "in love" that we are depends on the time and energy we are given and give to the object of our affections.
Bottom, love is a reaction; being in love is a choice. We chose to accept our husband's proposal, we chose to get married and we choose to stay in love. We can love our men because we appreciate what they do. Whether they work hard or don't work, whether they help out around the house or not. We are called to love everyone, regardless of their actions.

1 Peter 4:8

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins."

 Being in love is something that takes some sort of effort.
I love chocolate cake, but you don't see me putting a tux on it and walking it down the aisle.
The Word of the Lord says that we are to love each other deeply. That doesn't mean that we have to be in love with everyone, but it does mean that we have to love each other a certain way. Why not start with our husbands? Falling in and out of love over the course of a marriage seems possible, but not something that should be dwelt upon. If we spend the majority of the time focusing on the love that we have for our husbands and trying to progress it, instead of the negative things that we see and feel and magnifying those, love will abound.
So, it doesn't really matter if you are in love with your husband or just love your husband. The question is whether nor not you are dedicated to your husband and your marriage.
Everything else will fall into place...

Letter to an Unfaithful Husband...

Dear Unfaithful Husband,

There are so many things that go through the minds of a wife that has been affected by your actions. Some of them you many know, but I guarantee, some of them will surprise you .

Your wife loves you. She has done so many things for you; things that you know and things that you don't. She washed your clothes, cooks your meals and takes care of your children. She listens to you talk about your family and complain about your job, soaking up every detail. Its not because she doesn't have anything better to do. Its because she cares about you and everything that concerns you. And after she listens, she takes your concerns to her Heavenly Father and prays for you.

You have a wife that is the epitome of a help-meet. She wakes up early to make sure that everyone has everything that they need for the entire day. She knows the location of everything that you cannot find, including keys and stray socks. She picks up dry cleaning and grocery shops, planning meals and balancing check books. Although she may be exhausted, she loves her family and that makes all the work she does that much easier. She drives kids to school, runs errands, punches a clock of her own, cleans, cooks, launders, referees, nurses, repairs, delegates, supervises and still has time to love you.

This wife that you chose? The one that you courted and called, pursued and proposed? The one that you vowed to love, honor and cherish? The one that you entered into covenant with in front of loved ones, friends and family? Somewhere along the line you began to take everything that she did for you for granted. Her early rising to take care of her loved ones became irritating to you because she disturbed your sleep. Her job as a full-time wife and mother angered you because she wasn't financially contributing to the household and, therefore, she wasn't as important to the family as you are. She hangs up on you when you say something she doesn't like and she ignores you when you hurt her feelings. She gained weight after having your children and may not look the way she did when you first met. She let herself go, you think to yourself. And because of that, you stopped taking her out. Not because you were embarrassed; you just needed some space. She was so tired from her daily activities on some nights that she fell asleep when you wanted to make love. How neglectful! Marriage is so much different than you thought it would be. She expects things from you and you have to put forth effort to make her smile, when it was so easy before.  She couldn't possibly care about you as much as you need her to.
\
And then, you saw that pretty face and that nice shape walk past. You had seen it before but you never really SAW it until now. She smiled when she noticed that your glances were starting to linger and she laughed at your lame attempts at humor. She invited you out and at first you declined, but when you got home and saw your wife had fallen asleep, again, while waiting for you to come home, the offer sounded better the next time. Before you know it, you were dating another woman and lying to your wife. Maybe it was just one date, maybe you started a whole new relationship. It doesn't matter. The point is, you are now an unfaithful husband.

The funny thing is, your wife knew. She may not have had proof, but her women's intuition told her that her husband's heart had split. His affections had strayed and his attention was somewhere else. But when she found out, when her suspicions became reality, you don't have the slightest clue of the damage that has just begun. Her tears may be visible at first, but then they just become a constant internal river. You can apologize and giver her some space, but that doesn't mean as much as you think it does. What she wants is for this cancer not to have attacked her life, but since it did, she has to deal with it.

Let me help you understand the level of pain that your wife is in right now. Have you ever been in a fight? Punched in the face, hair pulled, kneed in the groin and punched in the stomach? Yeah, its much worse than any fight you have ever been in. You have knocked the wind out of her without laying a hand on her. All the color has left her world and nothing seems like it will ever be the same. The sound of your voice makes her skin crawl, and the thought of you touching her again is her biggest dream and her worst nightmare. Have you ever loved something and hated it at the same time? No? Well she has, and she sees it every time she looks at you. She can't sleep because every time she closes her eyes she can see you loving someone else. She may not know exactly who she is or what she looks like, but in her mind, this woman is more beautiful than her, smarter than her, sexier than her.... Better than her. Her self-esteem, though it may be temporary, has been diminished to being nonexistent. As much as she can't sleep at night, the thought of getting up in the morning and doing anything is the last thing that she feels like doing. But she does, because that's who she is.

No apology in the world can erase your infidelity, husband. Your flowers, jewelry, outfits, purses and intentions may be nice, but they are doing nothing but showing the love of your life how guilty you are. And the most damaging part? You really are sorry. You stopped talking to this other woman, cutting off all ties and breaking another heart. You walked away and avoided her at all cost. However, the damage is done. Now, you have to rebuild.

Its up to you. You have to show your wife that you are worthy of her. Yes, she is your wife already, but you have to win her heart back. It will seem to get old and tiring, but she's worth it because, even through a shattered heart, she loves you more than ever. She's still dedicated to you and taking care of you. She is yours and she acts like it. You many have to apologize a million times, you may have to hold her when she cries, because she will cry. You may need to listen to her yell and stay silent when she talks, but this time, listen. Listen to her concerns and listen to her fears. Don't say anything yet; your promises aren't valid as of yet. Listen to her, and if you love her, consider her. She loves you. She could drag your name through the mud and bad-mouth you all over town, but she didn't. She could have went out and gotten herself another man that will actually treat her like he likes her instead of like an obligation, but she didn't. She loves you.

So, Unfaithful Husband, you have your work cut out for you. Your wife may not be perfect, but remember: you chose her. You called and courted, you purposed and pursued... Her. You promised to love, honor and cherish her.  Regardless to what she did, she didn't deserve for her world to be shattered, but it was, and you did it. She wasn't perfect before, but now you see just how perfect for you she is. So love her. The Bible says to love your wife "as Christ loved the Church". He would do anything for His church; providing, caring, nurturing and giving Himself over to it... Literally. He threw Himself into His Church. Want to know how to live your wife and win her back? Take a note from your wife. Ask your Heavenly Father.

He has all the answers.....

Green Grass, Crab Grass & Astroturf

I hate the phrase "The grass is always greener on the other side". If we are truly dedicated to our husbands and our families, we could care less about what's on the other side of our fence. We've got our own yards to maintain! Why care about someone else's grass? They might have to do more to theirs to keep it looking nice. In other words, you never know how much it takes to build a relationship with another person. You are already in the building process! While you are taking your husband for granted and allowing the personality clashes that you have to overtake the overall vision that you have for your marriage, you're allowing the quality of your own grass (your marriage) deteriorate. Once you start letting your mind wander, your eyes will start to wander and the enemy will begin planting ideas in your mind that will cause other body parts to wander, too.

1 Thessalonians 4:11

"And to aspire to live quietly, 

and to mind your own affairs, 

and to work with your hands,

as we have instructed you..."(ESV)

Since we are minding our own business, let's maintain our own grass. Do you know what kind of grass you have? Keep reading and maybe you'll see your marriage in one of the descriptions below.

~Green grass represents a good, healthy marriage. When grass is healthy, it is plush and soft, like expensive carpet. It not only looks good, but it feels good. It has a clean, crisp scent and healthy roots. Healthy grass is healthy because it is well maintained. It is watered, cut and kept up. A healthy marriage is the same way: well-maintained. It is taken care of by both caretakers. Your marriage becomes healthy when you are both dedicated to making your marriage the best marriage it can be, and you constantly seek God to apply His principles to your lives, individually and collectively.

~Crab grass looks like healthy grass, but it isn't. Its makeup has been compromised. Its green, but its unruly. Its growing, but it doesn't grow together or evenly like healthy grass; some parts of it grow quickly, some parts grow slowly, which makes it uneven. Its hard to the touch and, because of its uneven growing, its hard to maintain. If it isn't taken care of, the crab grass will eventually effect the health of the green, healthy grass.  This is a kind of marriage that started off healthy, but isn't well maintained. The husband and wife aren't on the same page or working toward the same goal. Maybe its because they don't even have a goal. Maybe they have goals. but they aren't working on them together. This is what is happening when couples feel as though they have grown apart. They fell separated, so they start living their lives separate. And eventually, the grass dies, and the marriage ends in divorce.
~Astroturf is the kind of grass that is used in some sports arenas. It gives the illusion of grass, but its really only carpet. Its doesn't need watering or cutting. It doesn't get fed or maintained. Once its laid, its there; its fake. It doesn't grow There is nothing real about it. There are no roots, no scent, no nothing. This marriage is a sham, just like the grass. The husband and wife are marriage, but in theory only. They are totally separate and probably think that they no longer have hope for their relationship. They don't even pray about their marriage or for each other. Not a good place.
If you have green grass, praise God! Let's continue to make it stay that way.
If you can compare your covenant to crab grass or astroturf, we have some work to do. But take heart, there is still hope. I would encourage you to, first, seek the Lord for what He wants you to do. Never make divorce your option, whether it be a first one or a last one. While you are waiting for the Ultimate Counselor to have His way, do what you are suppose to do as a wife. Never stop praying or working. Never give up. And never compare yourself to another couple. Never take your eyes off your own marriage. Don't start peeping over fences and hedges.
Do you know what kind of grass you have? Good! The good thing about this is crab grass and astroturf can be overhauled. They can be torn up and replaced with the real deal. It will take work, you may sweat and you may be sore in the morning, but when you step back and look at it, you will see the progress, and its worth the work.
Tend to your own grass! Take care of your own lawn! Mind your own, personal business. Take care of your home, your family and your man.
Because, in reality, the grass is greener when you take care of it...

6 Lessons I Learned from My Daughter on How to Love My Husband....

The beautiful little girl in this picture is my youngest daughter posing with her dad, my hubs. And let me tell you, she adores her daddy. No matter what is going on and no matter what happens, this girl loves her daddy. It even astounds me. She is the poster child for unconditional love. I really have to hang my head in shame, because my unconditional love muscle needs some conditioning and strengthening. I'm not the best at it. No matter how hard I have tried or what I overlook, I still seem to have a problem treating my guy with the same loving-kindness on a consistent basis. I still have a hard time holding my tongue when he forgets to call if he's going to be too late, or brings home tacos when I've made a gourmet meal. 
But God is still helping me.
Anyway, I began to observe my daughter and her interactions with her dad and, as hard as it is for me to admit, I can learn a few things from her. 

1 Corinthians 13:7

"Love bears all things, 

believes all things, 

hopes all things,

endures all things." (ESV)

1. She is always happy when her daddy comes home. 

    No matter what, she yells "Daddy" and runs to the door when she hears his keys turning the lock. Regardless to whether he's gone for a few minutes or all day. she shows him how much she misses him when he's gone. 

2. Even when she gets in trouble, she doesn't get angry at him.

    She may do something wrong and get punished for her wrongdoings, but she always treats him with love and respect. She never stops talking to him, never yells, and even if she shed a few crocodile tears, it never changes how she treats him.

3. She always wants to spend time with him.

    They sit and watch TV eating chips and salsa, just the two of them. He takes her out to ride her bike, or she just sits next to him while he sleeps. She makes sure that she always spends time with her daddy.

4. She asks him about his day.

    When he gets home from work, she asks him how his day was. Even if it was horrible and he is all stressed out and tired, he tells her it was great. 

5. If he's not home when it's her bedtime, she always call him to say good night.

    Faithfully. Every night. She calls and asks him where he is, if he's safe and makes sure he's on his way home.

6. She hugs him almost constantly and tell him she loves him.

   She's always finding a reason to give him a hug, tell him a joke or tell him she loves him. When she wakes up, before she goes to school, when she calls him, before she goes to bed; "I love you, Daddy".

I realized that she loves her daddy without finding fault with him. If I wanted to love and respect him with a pure love, I had to put some wide-eyed innocence back in my marriage. Yes, we've been through a lot, but he's still my husband, and love and respect is what I promised him when we got married. It wasn't supposed to be dependent upon him remembering our date night or leaving wet towels on the floor after he showers. True love isn't wishy-washy. It believes, it trusts, its hopeful an it stands NO MATTER WHAT. 

So, even though she's my daughter and a fraction of my age, she's teaching me how love the the man God blessed me with. And I'm grateful for every lesson.

I'll tell her one day....

Fairy Tale... Ha!!!

Do you remember reading or listening to fairy tales when you were a kid? I do. A young lady or princess, for one reason or another, gets herself into some kind of predicament, and a young prince finds out her situation and her whereabouts, hops on his trusty steed to ride across country and through a haunted forest to save her. Along the way, some chipmunks dance a few jigs and the dwarfs hum a few bars, and before long we can all hear "And they lived happily ever after" and a big fat "The End" flashes across the screen.
No wonder little girls grow into bigger girls that fantasize about weddings and fairy tales.
It does sound like a blast.
However, no one ever talks about what happens after the credits roll. No one sees the princess getting pregnant and the prince starting to go out with his guys, hanging out all times of night without calling. No one thinks about when the same trusty steed he rides up to save her in gets repossessed and the castle goes into foreclosure. And even more, no one talks about how the princess never loses the baby weight from the twins she carried and birthed and how the prince's eyes start to follow the slender hips of the young maidens traipsing through the palace.
Yeah, fairy tales can get deep too.
You may be in a little deep too. Maybe you had drama before your nuptials or maybe everything was fairy tale-like before your I dos. Maybe you are still feeling as though your're drifting along on the clouds of Far-Far Away. It could be possible that you feel like you're on a slow ride through the haunted forest. No relationship is without some type of issue. I'm not wishing bad on you and your hubby, but I am stating facts. any time you place two people in a household to share space and finance, contrary feelings will arise. The good thing about it is, you can take your time to work them out, together.

Ecclesiastes 9:11

"I have seen something else under the sun:

The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong,

nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant

or favor to the learned;

but time and chance happen to them all."

Time and chance. 

But not he kind of chance, like rolling-the-dice chance. 

This kind of chance is the chance that you take on allowing God to work His perfect work in your marriage. Just because things happen in your marriage, no matter how major or minor they may seem to present themselves, you have the time that you need to make them happen. What's the rush? There aren't any credits threatening to roll on your marriage. You can be the strongest woman, the wealthiest, or the wisest, but everything that can happen or be restored will take time to manifest.
Even in the most popular fairy tales, the prince and princess had to go work through issues before they could work together in making their marriage a success: hateful in-laws, poverty, illnesses, incarceration and so much more. However, for one reason or another, things always worked out. The couple always found their way back to each other. Even from opposite ends of the world, their love found each other. 
Some fairy tales may be similar, but none of them are the exact same. They all seem to end the same way. You marriage may not be perfect, but keep working at it. You have time. Remember, its YOUR fairy tale.You are the main character and the love interest. You don't have to live pining over your Prince Charming; he's already fallen for you. 
Keep working to create your happily ever after...