It is so easy to look around at the marriages around you and wish that you have what they have.
Maybe they have the houses and cars that you want.
Maybe they take frequent vacations.
Maybe they are very affectionate with each other.
Maybe you feel like they have everything that you want for your marriage.
It could be your best friend, a couple at your church, the guy and his wife at the mall... It could be anyone that catches your eye and causes you to compare what you see to what you do or don't have with your husband. However the problem is you're comparing your marriage to what you SEE; not what is really there.
~You see what your friend says her husband does for her; that doesn't necessarily mean its true.
~You see how well the couple in the mall treat each other; you don't see the years of abuse that they had to overcome.
~You see how in love your pastor and first lady are; you don't see how hard they pray together, as well as for each other, to be the best they can be.
"That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. "
(Genesis 2:24 NIV)
Leave and cleave doesn't just mean that you don't go I your parents for everything or that you leave the place you lived in order to move in with your husband. It also means that, once you get married, it goes from you against the world to you and your husband against the world.
It means that you and your husband's relationship is just that... You and your husband's. Not your in-laws and your best friends and the guy standing next to you on the bus stop.
No two relationships are alike exactly the way that no two people are alike. With this concept in mind, no two marriages are going to be exactly alike. Marriages take time and effort to grow and mature. Yours is no different. What works for the couple in the mall may not work for you. What your best friend and her boo do together your husband most likely won't want to participate in.
This is where communication comes in.
You both have to find out what works for you. Spend time talking to your husband. I've learned that, no matter how long I have known my husband, there are new things that I discover about him when we spend time together. I notice things that he thinks are funny, things that he doesn't like... I discover things that make me get to know him better. Even if we are just watching a movie or going out to dinner. I see something new that makes him smile and laugh, or some a food that he like that I didn't know about. A song that he knows all of the words to that reminds him of a funny story he has never told me before.
Maybe they have the houses and cars that you want.
Maybe they take frequent vacations.
Maybe they are very affectionate with each other.
Maybe you feel like they have everything that you want for your marriage.
It could be your best friend, a couple at your church, the guy and his wife at the mall... It could be anyone that catches your eye and causes you to compare what you see to what you do or don't have with your husband. However the problem is you're comparing your marriage to what you SEE; not what is really there.
~You see what your friend says her husband does for her; that doesn't necessarily mean its true.
~You see how well the couple in the mall treat each other; you don't see the years of abuse that they had to overcome.
~You see how in love your pastor and first lady are; you don't see how hard they pray together, as well as for each other, to be the best they can be.
"That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. "
(Genesis 2:24 NIV)
Leave and cleave doesn't just mean that you don't go I your parents for everything or that you leave the place you lived in order to move in with your husband. It also means that, once you get married, it goes from you against the world to you and your husband against the world.
It means that you and your husband's relationship is just that... You and your husband's. Not your in-laws and your best friends and the guy standing next to you on the bus stop.
No two relationships are alike exactly the way that no two people are alike. With this concept in mind, no two marriages are going to be exactly alike. Marriages take time and effort to grow and mature. Yours is no different. What works for the couple in the mall may not work for you. What your best friend and her boo do together your husband most likely won't want to participate in.
This is where communication comes in.
You both have to find out what works for you. Spend time talking to your husband. I've learned that, no matter how long I have known my husband, there are new things that I discover about him when we spend time together. I notice things that he thinks are funny, things that he doesn't like... I discover things that make me get to know him better. Even if we are just watching a movie or going out to dinner. I see something new that makes him smile and laugh, or some a food that he like that I didn't know about. A song that he knows all of the words to that reminds him of a funny story he has never told me before.
He's your husband; you can never know him TOO well.
~AND~
You can't
get so caught up in bills and kids and jobs that you forget that you
are on each other's minds.
You plan on spending the rest of your life with this man. Don't you think you both deserve to be as happy and content as possible? I think that one mistake that I make in my marriage is thinking on too small of a scale. Its true that you have to live for today to take care of the issues of today. But marriage is a lifetime commitment. If you focus on the fact that, if we don't start getting along better or if things don't change, we can't be together, you are surely on your way to divorce court. We must constantly remind ourselves that our spouses are our life-mates. No longer dating. We're in it for the long haul. Let's make the time to make our marriages what both we and God want them to be. Let's keep our focus on what we can do about longevity and health in our marriage.
Let me encourage you to stop looking at the marriage relationships
around you and spend more time building your own. You can't copy someone
else dreams. You can, however, gain a dream of your own.
1 What Do You Think?:
You are so right - It is pointless to envy other people's marriages. No matter what they may appear to be, none of us knows what goes on behind closed doors. And when a marriage is truly great, it is great for the two people who made it that way. The same formula wouldn't work for someone else. Every couple has their own special journey.
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