Follow the Leader...

 

Its makes me laugh sometimes when I hear how some women talk about men. It’s sad, but it’s kind of amusing too. These are some of the conversations that I’ve heard recently:

-I want a man that has his own and can take care of me.

-I can do for myself; I don’t need any man to take care of me!

-I can’t wait ‘til God sends me a husband.

-I don’t need anyone telling me what to do. I’m grown!

Contradiction is the name of the game here folks.

So, it’s no secret that I had a child before I got married. My oldest daughter was born when I was 19, so, even though I lived with my parents until I got married at the age of 26, I was well aquainted with the idea of responsibility beforehand. I was someone’s mother! It doesn’t get too much more responsible than that. I worked a full-time job and provided for my daughter all at the same time. Yes, my parents did help, but I was her sole breadwinner. I had a fair level of independence.

But there are some ladies that have been independent and responsible for the majority of their lives. For various reasons, they took care of themselves, perhaps their siblings and maybe even their own children. So when you did decide to get married, it took some time to get used to having someone tell you what you can do with your time, money and even your children.

I can hear you already… “He’s not my daddy! He can’t tell me what to do!”

He can, actually…

1 Samuel 14:7 & 12

“’Do what you think is best,” the armor nearer replied.

 “I’m with you completely, whatever you decide.”…

“…Come on, climb right behind me,”

Jonathan said to his armor bearer,

‘for the Lord will help us defeat them!”

I’m not sure if you’re familiar with this portion of the scripture or not, but Jonathan was the king’s son and his people were about to begin a battle with the Philistines. The person he was talking to in this passage was his armor bearer. An armor bearer is exactly what it sounds like: a person that carries the king’s armor. He is the closest person to Jonathan. An assistant, a confidant, a listening ear, a supporter. The armor bearer’s job is to observe, listen and obey. They are still leaders because they carry out the commands of the leader. They may delegate and make sure things are getting done. I like to call them the leader of the followers.

Kind of like a wife.

Like an armor bearer, we make sure the major things get done, we follow out the commands of our husbands and we carry our husbands’ armor. We make sure that we get everything that they need and that see things that they may not be able to see. We listen to them gripe and complain, we encourage them and we tell them about dangers that they may not be aware of.
The thing about being an armor bearer, and a wife, is that we still lead. The things that I learned about being independent as a single mother are things that can still help in making you a great wife. Your organization skills, your discernment and your financial savvy may be some of the skills that your husband may lack. You pick up where he leads off. And what he may do wrong, you can come behind her and fix. It’s not 50/50; it’s 100/100. 100% percent of his energy and 100% of yours. It takes both of you to make your lives successful.
Think about it like a dance. From my experience (which is pretty much limited to watching "Dancing with the Stars), there is one who leads and one who follows. The leader is most traditionally the man, who is said to be stronger. He leads the woman in every step, and she follows. Both dancers must know the steps, but both cannot lead. And when the leader leads and the follower follows, the dance can flow freely and turn out beautifully. But if both dancers try to lead, someone foot gets stepped on, someone trips and both can be injured. No one needs that.

So don’t look at it like he’s trying to be your dad. He may not be exercising his power over you to control you or be malicious and lay. He’s trying to be your husband and lead you. I know that you’ve been carrying the load for a long time alone, but now you have someone who will carry it with you or even for you. So let him lead. While he’s walking ahead in the battle, fighting the enemy on the frontlines, you walk in every footstep that he makes. Since he’s been there, you know that it’s safe. He’s already conquered those enemies.

 And while he’s fighting in front of you, you can watch his back….

Struggling Through Construction...

This week, I'm gonna talk about something that I usually don't discuss: my separation.
I don't not discuss it because I'm trying to hide it or make it seem like my marriage is perfect and yours is horrible or anything. I'm the openest of open books on most things. I just thought that, maybe if I didn't talk about it, it wouldn't hurt so much.
Oh, how wrong I was...
So, my husband and I separated for a little over a year. He made some choices over the course of our marriage that I didn't agree with, but I didn't speak on. There were things that I knew were going on and I chose to ignore for the sake of having a husband. Pesky low self-esteem. We couldn't even talk on the phone without getting into an argument He told me that he left because I made him unhappy. While that is his opinion, I have a different idea of what happened.
See, when my husband and I got together, were weren't friends or associates. We went to the same high school, but I didn't know him. We didn't work together or live in the same neighborhood. No. Our relationship was based on sex.
Cover your eyes if it gets too much for you, hunni.
Sex is all we did and all we were good at. That's all we talked about most of the time. Mostly. Other than food. We were in relationship for almost seven years before we got married, but it wasn't healthy because it wasn't Godly. And when we did get married I was pregnant, and me and the guy I was having sex with were trying to piece together a marriage and build a life and family together based on sin.
As I look back on all of the arguments, fights, attitudes and issues that plagued my marriage, I now understand what caused it to get to a place of failure, and I hope that you will be able to follow what I'm say.
Altered Perception. I thought there was some light, but things around me were pitch black.

Matthew 6:22-23

"Your eye is a lamp that provides

Light for your body.

When your eye is good, your whole body

Is filled with light.

But when your eye is bad,

Your whole body is filled with darkness.

And if the light you think you have is

Actually darkness,

How deep that darkness is!"

 

Here's the thing: I was in a dark room and had convinced myself there was sunlight all around.

Sin is what keeps up in darkness, and my marriage was based on sin. Since sin is equated with death, my marriage was doomed to fail before it even started.

The Bible is very clear about sexual relations outside of marriage. And when we for married, I believed that our relationship would automatically be blessed and things would be fine because our sexy times was now covered under the covenant of marriage.

Wrong again...

When light comes into a dark room, all the darkness must disappear. So, when we got married, God entered our relationship and exposed all of the sin that had been lying around being ignored by sexy time. God had to tear down everything and expose what was dark. We didn't really have anything based on light, so our marriage began to crumble.

God had to build it back up the right way.

So instead of being under pressure, we're under construction. To keep things completely honest, my husband and I are still struggling through construction, but we can talk without yelling now. I consider that a major accomplishment.

Maybe I'll buy a cake.

I would encourage you to ask God to shed some light on some areas you and your husband may be having trouble with. Let Him expose the shadows to the Sun cam shine in...

Choice then Change...

Happy New Year!

The new year always seems to come with new resolutions. Sometimes people feel like starting a new year should also mean making new decisions and life changes. I don’t think there is anything wrong with this mindset, but I never make resolutions. First, I believe that if I want to change,. I won’t wait for a new year to start. What if I make the decision to change something in my life in June? Do I have to wait until January of the next year?

I don’t think so.

Now, I’m not knocking you if you make resolutions. I’m all about the change. Especially if the changes are for the better. And even if you make resolutions in January and can’t seem to follow them all the way through the year, the fact that you decided to make any form of change is admirable. Because, even though you may have slacked off, the change began with the choice.

 1 Corinthians 15:45-46

“The Scriptures tell us,

 ‘The first man, Adam, became a living person.’

But the last Adam- that is, Christ- is a life-giving Spirit.

 What comes first is the natural body,

then the spiritual body comes later.”

 Every time we decide to implement a change in our lives, the change begins as soon as we decide. We say, “I want to lose 50 pounds this year!” That is when the change starts. Not when we go and join a gym or grocery shop by counting calories. Or, we might say, “This year, I’m going to have more sex with my husband!” (Don’t knock it. Some of us might need to make that declaration) Anyway, the choice to add more sexy time to life begins with that thought.

The scripture above talks about the first Adam, the one that we read about in Genesis (Eve’s husband), had to become a living person, so the one known as the second Adam, Jesus Christ, could come later. If the first one hadn’t come, the second one wouldn’t have been a possibility.
Natural then spiritual.
All of the decisions that we make start with a thought within us. That’s the natural. We made the decision to get married, and God honors our marriage. The harder we work to make things work, the more God works on our behalf to make sure that our marriages remain the strong institutions that we are working toward. The trick is, we have to continue to make the decision. The same things that we did when we first got married might not work after the fifth or sixth year, so we have to decide to continue to change.
So I encourage you to make the choice to change things in your marriage. If everything is awesome, wonderful! Make the decision to keep it up! But if there are a few things that don’t sit well with you, make the choice to change. Then, but the choice into action so the change can progress. And as you are working on you and what you can do, the Lord is working on things in the spirit. We aren’t working alone, but together with God.
What WifeStyle changes are you choosing to make this year? Share them with us! We would love to hear your ideas…

Selective Enrollment...

I know this my be a weird topic for a wives' blog post, but just roll with me for a while.
One of my daughters is going through the process of applying for high schools. She will be graduating from 8th grade in the spring. One of the many tasks that she must complete before graduating is taking a selective enrollment test. This test consists of a variety of subjects, to evaluate if she has successfully learned what she needs to function in high school. Her score will determine whether or not she will be accepted into "selective enrollment" schools.
These schools don't just accept anyone; they get to pick the students that they feel would both benefit and be welcomed additions to their student body.
Let me hurry and get to the point.
My husband held the reputation as ladies' man while he was single. He dated a lot, flirted a lot and was pursued regularly by women of all kinds. He had his pick of many, but he chose me. Why? Because I'm the best of the best as far as he's concerned.

1 Samuel 16:10-13
"In the same way all seven of Jesse’s sons were presented to Samuel.

But Samuel said to Jesse, “The Lord has not chosen any of these.”

Then Samuel asked, “Are these all the sons you have?”

“There is still the youngest,” Jesse replied.

“But he’s out in the fields watching the sheep and goats.”

“Send for him at once,” Samuel said.

“We will not sit down to eat until he arrives.”

So Jesse sent for him. He was dark and handsome, with beautiful eyes.

And the Lord said, “This is the one; anoint him.”

So as David stood there among his brothers,

Samuel took the flask of olive oil he had brought and anointed David with the oil.

And the Spirit of the Lord came powerfully upon David from that day on..."

The prophet Samuel knew what he was looking for when he approached Jesse about his sons. He was given instructions and he intended to follow them. After all, this was the king he was looking for. No room to play around. So when Jesse showed him the sons that he thought were appropriate, Samuel knew they were all wrong.
In my opinion, I am very attractive, however I am also woman enough to admit when another woman is beautiful. Some of the women that my husband had to choose from before God revealed me were beautiful indeed. They were smaller, more shapely, and attractive.
But they are not be, so they were declined.
What's my point? Don't worry about who else may be trying to be seen. You passed the selective enrollment and your husband belongs to you and you to him. Even if you had quite a starting line-up yourself, those players are irrelevant. You have all you need on your team in your husband. What you Amy feel you don't have, ask God to provide. Your husband doesn't need a side chick and neither do you. What we need is to focus on our own grass and stop worrying about what's going on on the other side of the fence.
So stop worrying. You were selected and your seat is secure. Carry yourself like the winner that you are...