Be You, Just the Married Version...

It is amazing how expectations hare arrested when we get settled into marriage. We think that, when we say I do, that will be the pathway to eternal happiness. We will go skipping barefoot through a field full of daisies toward a sunset horizon, to pick out our home fully loaded with picket fence.
Yeah, no...
I don't know about you, but my welcome present to marriage was no home to live in because my beloved husband forgot to take the landlord our deposit check and overdraft bank fees.
Que Sera Sera...
My point is that I had expectations of my husband seeing me walk down the aisle in my beautiful dress to a beautiful song and decide to immediately become responsible. He expected me to see him standing at the altar and all of a sudden become a lean, mean cleaning machine. We expected each other to change because of a promise we made.
The trick to the promise is not that he will promise to get better if you marry him, but that you will love him even if he stays the exact same person that he was, or if he turns into something altogether different. The love should stay the same. You shouldn't want your husband to want you to change, if that makes any sense.

Romans 15:7



"Therefore, accept each other

Just as Christ accepted you

So that God will be given the glory."

 

Again, I don't know about you, but I would much rather please God by loving my husband just the way he is (hard as that might be), then have him change into someone that I thought acceptable. I fell in love with my husband, flaws and all. That means that there is something about him I am attracted to. If there was something I didn't like, I wouldn't have married him, and the same goes for you.

As hard as your husband may be to get along with, you are equally (if not increasingly) hard to get along with yourself. I can almost guarantee that there are things about me my husband would change in a heartbeat, but he chooses to love me exactly the way that I am.

Acceptance is not just a form of love; it's a form of respect. As much as we crave the affection of our husbands, they desire our respect. If we make a big deal about those flaws that seem to be highlighted every time they speak, we will never accentuate the positive things about them. I want to love everything about my husband. Even if I don't like him, I want to love him.

So, go 'head and take a run around the daisies. He's the man of your dreams and you're the woman of his. You're still you, just the married version. 

Wishes are Like Tricks....

Think about being invited to a nice dinner party...
You take time to pick out a nice outfit, with matching shoes and bag. You get your hair done, find a babysitter, and prepare yourself for an evening of good food and adult conversation.
You arrive to the party, park your car, ring the doorbell and stand waiting for the evening that you have been waiting on all day, maybe all week. But when the door opens, it is not at all what you were expecting...
Streamers, clowns, candy, cupcakes... From the left to the right you see the party of children's dreams and adults' nightmares. And as you and the rest of the confused guests enter, you see the entertainment for the evening: a magician!
He's over behind his little magic table, pulling rabbits out of hats, making flowers appear out of his sleeve and making pigeons disappear. He's alakazaming and ta-daing all over the places. Doing tricks and promising wishes coming true.
How weird would that be?
That's the life that you live if you spend time wishing....
Wishing is so useless, but before you click to close this link, let me explain myself.
You sit and daydream about the perfect marriage and the perfect life. Perfect job, perfect children, perfect church. Everything is perfect, but it is only in your mind. When you open your eyes and come back to reality, you see the reality job, the reality children and the reality marriage. How does it compare?
It doesn't.

James 2:14, 17

"What good is it, my brothers and sisters,

If someone claims to have faith, but has no deeds?

Can such faith save them?

...In the same way, faith by itself,

If it is not accompanied by action,

Is dead."

You can sit around all day, wishing and hoping that the things in your life will improve, but if you do not do anything about it, do you really want things to get better? Even if things were to change by you doing absolutely nothing but wishing they changed, do you think that things would changed for the better or for the worst?
Let's look at it another way. If you were a car salesperson, you work at a car lot. You sit at your desk all day, wishing that you would sell a car, thinking up all of these new and fabulous sales techniques to get people to run to your particular dealership to buy a car from you. But, you never actually move away from your desk to make any of those wishes manifest.
You can have all the faith in the world. In fact, the bible says that without faith, we cannot please God (Hebrews 11:6). God wants us to believe Him for everything. However, when we believe God for the changes that we need in our lives, He will give us the tools and resources that He wants us to use in order to make those changes. He will begin the process of changing us, and He will begin the process in changing our husbands, so that our circumstances will change. But sitting around wishing and never moving won't change anything but the clock because we would be wasting time.
Also, let me add that praying isn't wishing, nor is it wasting time. When we pray and ask God to step into and cover our marriages, we are telling Him that we believe Him for the answers to the questions and we are waiting for Him to make a move. That way, we will be able to depend on Him more clearly, and hear Him when He gives us direction.
Sure, you should have aspirations and goals for your marriage, and yes, you should even have a vision of what you want the Lord to do. But don't sit around and wish.
Wishes are like tricks, and, as the rabbit says, those are for kids...

Can You Manage the Tightrope???

I have someone who is very near and dear to me that I will only refer to as "The Wife Whisperer". I call her that because she is perhaps the best wife that I have ever met in my life. She mentors women, not just wives, to improve their joy in life and help them become the best women that they can be.
Don't be jealous.
Anyway, I was listening to her vent once when she seemed to be going through a phase of not understanding her husband. Everything that she did seemed to frustrate and annoy him. In return, every word that he spoke to her hurt her feelings terribly. She went on to say that He was telling her about a letter he needed to write for his business, but he didn't know how to word it. She took it upon herself to type up the letter and present it to him, thinking that she was being the helpmeet that he needed.
Seems like a good and thoughtful thing for a wife to do, no?
No.
He read the letter and dismissed it at once, saying that he wasn't going to use it, which hurt her feelings. I felt bad for her, because she was only trying to help. But then I thought, maybe she did overstep a bit.
Her husband was just having a conversation with his wife about an issue. He didn't ask for assistance, even though she felt like he needed it. To a man, this may be a form of emasculation. Guys are the kind of creatures that want to solve problems, not have their problems solved for them. I can only assume that it's part of their natural survival instinct or hunting skills... Whatever.
It can seem like walking a tightrope. Lean too far to the left or the right and you may just fall off. But if you stand up right, taking careful steps, one foot in front of the other, everything will stay safe.
So, what is a good wife to do when she wants to help her husband but he has yet to ask?
Be prepared.

Genesis 6:21

"And be sure to take on board enough food

For your family and for all the animals."

 

 

Now, I realize that your husband is not Noah and, no matter how many things you may have on your plate, you are not storing food and animals for forty days and forty nights. However, preparation is the key to staying ahead of the game. Let's say that your husband does have an issue that you have a fabulous solution for, but he has yet to ask your assistance. Do you just go on with life, not giving his need another thought? I would say no. The best thing to do is to get your solution ready, just in case he does ask. Not to say "I told you so", because that would just add fuel to a fire you are trying to keep at bay. But because you are his help and support, you are able to give him the help that he needs, but only when he is ready to ask for it.

 

Genesis 41:14-15

"Pharaoh sent for Joseph at once,

And he was quickly brought from the prison.

After he shaved and changed his clothes,

He went in and stood before Pharaoh.

Then Pharaoh said to Joseph,

'I had a dream last night,

And no one here can tell me what it means.

But I have heard that when you hear about a dream

You can interpret. '"

 

It doesn't say, but Joseph may have heard about the Pharaoh and his issue, but he didn't go waltzing up in the Pharaoh's face, telling him he had a solution to his insomnia issues. He waited until he was called upon, and he made himself available.

Sometimes as wives we want to help sooo bad, but have to fall back and wait to be asked. We may want to jump right in and help, but it's best for us to wait until our husbands make their requests known. It may seem to you like foolish pride, but I guarantee you, you won't fall off the tightrope by waiting your turn to walk it...

Forget You...

I like to think of myself as a selfless person. I mean, as selfless as I can be. I like to make time for myself and do things just for Sam, but the reality is my life is not about me at all.
My duties do not end in my home. Other than six children and my husband, I am also the Elder of my church home, and assistant to my leaders. That brings about a whole different type of responsibilities. A lot of people follow the old adage, "on the Sabbath, we rest". Well, Sundays are my full work days. Not to mention the phone calls and emails I make, and the after-school youth program. My plate is beyond full.
As a matter of fact, I have some things on my "Elder To Do" list right now...
Anyway, living Sam's life is not always all about Sam. Your life shouldn't always be all about you either.

Philippine 2:4, 5

"Don't look out only for your own interests,

But take an interest in others, too.

You must have the same attitude Jesus Christ had."

 

 

It is so wonderful to be showered with love and affection. I love to be surprised with gifts and pampered by my husband. It doesn't happen often, but when it does happen I appreciate it a lot. But we can't allow our husbands to do all of the showering. As much as he may protest, your man likes attention to. He likes to be spoiled and appreciated just like you do. Being his wife isn't easy, but being your husband may not be a walk in the park either.

And, we also have to think outside of our households as well. There are people all around us that can use some form of help, whether it be a kind word, a hot meal or even a genuine smile. Jesus Christ was an individual that lived his life for everyone else. Even until death. He constantly moved around, healing folks and preaching the Word. He did whatever his Father told him to do, because he was selfless.

I'm not saying that you have to become a traveling evangelist, but helping other people out would be nice. Our lives are ours, but they shouldn't be all about us.

 

What do you do to help others? Volunteer at your child's school maybe? Or give food to homeless shelters? Give us some ideas on how we can give back to the community...