Keep a Cool One...

This, again, is one of those things that I have thee hardest time doing. But praise God because He's working on me.
So, let's get to it.
Have you ever noticed that, when you and your husband are having a 'heated fellowship" (argument), he says something to you that not only catches you off guard, but seems to send your blood pressure through the roof? In my home, these are the moments that dubbed me the Insane Wife.
I don't know what it is, but one minute, I can be fine and listening and understanding. The next minute, I feel as though I can see red. It is then that I am no longer me, but the anger takes over.
This isn't a good place to allow yourself to fall into.
When we listen to what our husbands are saying to us and making a conscious effort to understand it, we can have a response. Responding is good because its not out of emotion, but its logical. Logical is good when communication is concerned. Then there's reaction.
This is where it gets deep...
When we react, we aren't really listening to what is being said. We may start off listening, but, at one point or another, we hear something that arrests our comprehension skills and we repeat the phrase that was said to us over and over. It appears that we are listening, and your husband may be talking, but really, we're waiting for our turn to talk so we can set that dude straight. For some reason, that one particular phrase hurt us and caused us to go into our feelings. All you can hear is that buzzing noise that you hear when your blood pressure begins to elevate. Your face starts getting hot and your palms start sweating. Then, that moment comes when he says "You're not going to say anything?". And so it happens.
Nuclear reaction.

Ecclesiastes 5:2

"Do not be quick with your mouth,

do not be hasty in your heart

to utter anything before God....

God is in heaven 

and you are on earth,

so let your words be few." (NIV)

Respond, don't react.

The problem with reacting is, you always wind up doing something that has to be apologized for. Who wants to do that? Reacting is a natural, well, reaction. Emotions are strong and consuming. When you hear something that triggers an emotional response, it is very hard to stop that ball from rolling. Its not always easy to stay out of your feelings, but it is always beneficial, especially when dealing with your husband. 

Let's say that your hunni said that one thing that always rubs you the wrong way. You know what it is. And let's say that you make up in your mind that, no matter what, you are going to respond instead of react. You stay silent and listen, ON PURPOSE. You refuse to let your emotions overtake you and you purposely maintain your composure...

You have your husband's attention! There are no arguments to diffuse, no mess to clean up, no wounds to bandage... Nothing to apologize for. You're batting a thousand! And now, because he was able to communicate everything to you that he wanted to say, he may just be more willing to listen to what you have to say. And then, maybe communicating won't be so much of the chore that it has become. Fewer words spoken doesn't mean that you aren't being heard' it means that you are better understood.

Not only is speaking calmly and communicating well good for your marriage, but it also pleases the Lord. He's happy when strife and confusion aren't being entertained in your marriage. And you're happy when you and your husband are getting along. Responding instead of reacting can mean the difference between sleepless nights and lonely days, or happy marriage and messy divorce. It may seem extremely, but lack of communication is death to marriage.

So keep a cool one...