Just Pray and Pray Some More...

I know that I may portray my husband to be the picture of what a husband is supposed to me, however this was not always the case.
He used to be a world class jerk.
I love him and I married him but he was not the ideal person to get along with, let alone share a life with.
But praise God for prayer.
Let me explain. I didn't change him. I wanted to. I wanted to slap him around to wake him up. I wanted to tap on his head to make sure that there was a brain in that was present and fully functional. At some point I wanted to go out for milk and never return. I actually tried that, but driving long distances at 8 months pregnant didn't seem to be the way to go. So I stayed. And prayed.

When we first got married, my husband would raise up and flex his self-established superiority and control over me, I would cower in fear. When I was growing up, my parents never fought. My brother and I never saw as much as an argument. My husband was raised in a different. environment. So my first reaction was to leave where the danger was. After that wore off, I began to fight back and that made things one hundred times worse. Arguments turned into altercations and those morphed into police reports. Praise God for deliverance. 

1 Thessalonians 5:17

"Never stop praying." (NLT)

Once I realized that I could only run so far and fight so long, I began to pray. And boy, did I pray. I prayed constantly. I prayed when I woke up and when I went to sleep. I prayed all time, just like the scripture said. I prayed when I took my kids to school and when I cleaned the house while they were gone. I prayed on the way to church and in church. I prayed while my husband talked (yelled) and after he stopped. I prayed in the grocery store, the mall, at my mom's house, the playground. 

I prayed all the time.

I prayed for my husband. I prayed over his work clothes and his food. I prayed in his car and even laid hands on his and prayed while he slept. I would anoint pieces of cloth soaked in blessed oil and put them in his pockets. 

I prayed for my children, who heard the fights and saw them. I prayed that God would preserve their innocence, heal their hearts and protect their minds. And I prayed for myself.

This is where it got tricky. I couldn't pray that the Lord would punish my husband for being stupid. It sounded right at the time, but it didn't make for a good prayer. So for a while I just sat. I sat really quiet and really still, maybe waiting for the words to come, maybe waiting for something to happen. Then I started to pray. Sometimes I prayed that God would show me the door so I could take my kids, run through it and never come back. Sometimes I prayed that my husband would see the door, run through it and never come back. Most times I just prayed for the Lord to give me strength for whatever He was going to do. 

I asked Him to show my husband himself, so that he could see that he wasn't just destroying his family for our marriage, but himself. And I prayed that the Lord would show me myself. Why was I allowing this and what was in my that thought it was okay? I asked God to change me, so I could be okay. 

See, its not always about changing your man. Most times God wants us to look at ourselves.Yes, my husband was a first class wreck. But I was a hot mess myself. I needed God more than I needed my husband. And God had to put me in a place where I could see that. My husband was important to me, but God needed to be most important. Praying brought put me in a place where I could hear what My Father wanted me to hear, and I could see Him as being most important.

When we pray, we show how big and strong God is to us. He is the Creator and He is in control. When we look to Him, we are saying "God I can't do this, but I know that you can." At that point, He takes over and does what's best for everyone. You and your husband. So while I was focusing on God, He began to change me. While I was being changed, my husband was too. He still has jerk-tendencies, but he prays, and God is working in his life as well.

Its cool to pray for a husband. Its cool to pray that your wedding will be fun and everything will be perfect. But pray before the wedding and after that too.

The marriage starts when the wedding ends.

Just... Stop... Talking... What Should I Do Part 2

So we're talking about things that we can do to maintain a good marriage so it will grow and flourish.I have found the secret!
I'm a genius, really. The thing that every marriage has an issue with from time to time. Communication. I have solved the problem. The best way to get the discussion over and done with before the ranting and raving, fussing and fighting begins... You ready???

Shut. Up.

I can see the frown lines developing now. Let me hurry up with these scriptures before you get mad at me.
First, the one that goes with the theme of out lil chat.

1 Peter 3:1-2

"Wives, in the same way submit to your own husbands so that,

if any of them do not believe the Word, 

 they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 

when they see the purity and reverence of their lives."(NIV)

Proverbs 29:11

"Fools vent their anger,

but the wise quietly hold it back."(NLT)

See? I don't make this stuff up. 

Since we are endeavoring to become wise wives and not fools, there is really no interpretation needed. 

The reason that most marriages have communication issues is because (both the husband and wife) allow feelings to take over. Then, when the feelings get hurt, we get angry and want to either defend ourselves, or hurt the person that hurt our feelings. Before you know it somebody you have resorted to talking about somebody's mama.
Oh, maybe that was just my husband and I.
Anyway...
I was the wife that thought, if I said it to him (my husband) enough, he would get the idea and eventually hear me. But after a while, I began to pay attention to him during our we-need-to-talk moments and noticed that, not only was he not hearing me. He wasn't even listening anymore! Yelling, screaming and fussing and cussing didn't work. The louder I got, the more distance I was putting between my husband and our conversations. I was being  fool, and if you think about it, you might be the same kind of fool I was.
Sometimes its just best to close our mouths. I'm not just talking about you. Me too. I need to shut it down at some point. I'm not saying stop listening, but sometimes just stop talking. We don't have to vent every feeling or every thought. Its not necessary to share every single emotion and care. You know why, because men don't operate that way. When you share things with them, they are going to try to solve the problem. You want to talk, he wants to help. Two different things.
Just as in our regular lives, people are watching what we do. What we say is cool, but how we live our lives is more important. As on the outside, also on the inside. Your husband likes to be told how much you love him, but he would much more rather be shown. If we keep talking and talking and talking the hubbies will eventually stop listening. Its our integrity character and actions that show who and what we really are. We won our husbands heart by what we did. After the "I do" is no different. What we are doing is winning our husbands hearts everyday. Some days may be better than others, but recovering from our mistakes is important. Consistent behavior shows what we are really made of. So, last week, there may have been a slip up. But the days after that aren't about verbal recovery; its about letting our men see us.
We may sometimes misspeak, misstep or overreact. But what you should be doing is letting your light be your life...

What Should I Do? Pt. 1

Have you ever taken a look at your marriage and wondered what you should be doing for it? After all, it is a living thing that needs to be fed, nurtured and sustained. Like a plant...

Although I'm not really good with plants and they usually die in my house so maybe I shouldn't use that example.

Anyway...

Everything that we as Insane Wives need to know for our marriage as well as our lives in general has already been laid our in a handbook by the Creator of All. THE BIBLE! After all, it does lead and guide us into all truth. As since we are trying to have the best marriage that we can have, truth it is!

Our next few conversations will be center around 1 Peter 3:1-6, but we're going to go at it backwards, starting with verse 6. 

"For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham,

and called him her master.

You are her daughters when you do what is right

without fear of what your husbands might do."

Now, I don't know about you, but I've called my husband quite a few names before, aloud as well as in my head. Master was not one of them. But have you ever read or heard the story of Sarah and Abraham? Reckless endangerment is the phrase that comes to mind when I think about the two of them. They had a marriage that would have made thee best Lifetime movie ever! He gave her away to a king, she couldn't have children, illegitimate children, crazy baby mamas, moving around from place to place, following a God that no one could see. Sarah may have thought that her husband was a first class lunatic. But she never let it show. 

She had faith.

The scripture uses Sarah as an example of the epitome of wifehood because that is what she was. She supported her husband, followed her husband and believed in her husband... NO MATTER WHAT. Yes, I'm sure she had opinions and thoughts of her own. I'm sure she had words for him and an attitude on many, many occasions. I'm sure there were days when she woke up wondering what crazy thing her husband would get her into, or what ridiculous words would come out of his mouth. But if she ever said anything, the Bible doesn't talk about it. 

I don't know about you, but sometimes this man of mine comes up with some things that make me consider getting him committed. He's human, and he's a man. Their minds work in a totally different way than ours do. Our responsibility as wives is to serve our husbands the way God tells us to. We should reverence and respect them in the same way we do our God, who is indeed Our Master. He gave us the example, and its up to us to follow it. 

So no matter what our husbands do or say, where they go and who they go with, we should remain the same. That's how we'll get their hearts, by keeping ours turned toward The Master.  

Say Hello When You Come Home...

My husband does something that really, Really, REALLY gets on my nerves. He comes home from work, walks through the door, and doesn't speak. No hi, what's up doc, hello, what's cracking....
Nothing.
He puts down his toolbox, takes off his work boots, hangs his coat up, kisses the girls, wrestles with the boys and I get nothing.
This burns my britches.
When I was growing up, I was taught that, when you walk into a room, you speak. Even if you don't stand and have a conversation, a simple "Hi. How are you?" is sufficient. It's called common courtesy. It's not hard! But for as long as I remember, my husband does not speak.
Is that too much to ask???
I digress...
This issue may seem small but, in my mind, if you don't think enough of me enough to say hello to me when you walk in from a long day of work and stress, I feel like I was not missed.
I miss my husband while he's gone everyday. I pray for him. I ask The Lord to give him divine favor with his peers, customers and employers. I ask The Lord to keep him safe until he comes back. I ask The Lord to cover and bless his mind, give him new knowledge and wisdom, witty inventions and easier ways to work. I think about him AT LEAST one hundred times per day. I ask God to bless our marriage and bring us closer; to restore what was broken and make it over again for our good and His glory.
So when my man walks in the door and doesn't speak, I feel like if I can't get this little thing, how will I ever get the big.

Luke 16:10
“If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities. " (NLT)

When we are faithful with our husbands, we can look forward to more of them; more affection, more communication, more time, more of their hearts. For a long time I wasn't faithful to the small things. And God was faithful in not granting me anything bigger. When I decided that my marriage was a priority, got out of my feelings and down to business, I saw that my behavior wasn't helping the situation. My husband wanted a hot meal when he got home from work. To some this may be nothing but to me this was torture. I didn't want to cook everyday! And I didn't think it was a big deal if I didn't. But to my boo it was.
If I wanted my marriage to be blessed, I had to start with the small.
So start with something you may feel is small, but your husband has been asking for. A running bath at night. Some time to watch the game alone. Quiet time to sleep on on days off. Whatever it is, think about it. What if he didn't do a small thing for you. Small stuff can make a big impact, and show your husband, and God, you can handle more.
So when you see that husband often, tell him to say hello when he gets home.
It's a small thing that will make me smile.

Bad Moment, Not Bad Marriage...

I've been spending some time at home during the day a lot lately. Other than doing my fabulously fascinating motherly/wifely duties of cooking, cleaning, and etcetera, I am not ashamed to say that I have become engrossed in daytime television. I can catch up on all of the foolishness that is now called entertainment that I don't watch at night for fear of polluting the innocence of my children. I multitask. Clean while listening, cook while watching.
Anyway, while watching a talk show, there was an actress that has been on one soap opera or another that is celebrating its 50th anniversary of being on air. She is also celebrating her 20 something year wedding anniversary. When one of the hosts of the show asked her what secret she and her husband contribute the longevity of their marriage to, she responded:
"Be prepared to have a few bad years."
Not to many things stop me in my tracks, but this statement I was not expecting.
My issue with those who have been married for decades is that, when encountered with the question, what is the key to having a long and healthy marriage is, communication and unconditional love. No one ever talks about what to do when love isn't paying the bills or when sex isn't helping keep the house clean. This actress kept it real. Marriage isn't like the perfume commercials seem; My husband and I running through the lily-covered fields in slow motion barefoot and holding hands. There have been times when I have to make myself smile at my husband when he comes through the door after work. In the same token, I'm sure there have been times when my husband would rather run screaming than enter the circus we call home every night after work. But because we dedicated ourselves to each other for the rest of our lives, we keep moving through the bad. We know that even though there will be bad, the bad can't possibly last forever.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

"To everything there is a season,

A time for every purpose under heaven..." (NKJV)

God's timing is perfect. No matter how much I would like to love my husband at all times, not have to be concerned about keeping our relationship on track and spend every night making love (...Well maybe not every night), we cannot. We have finances and jobs and children and ministry. We have lives. We have things to talk about and compromise on. Some things we may agree wholeheartedly on. Some things we will not. Sometimes we may get angry and have to leave the subject alone for a while. Some things we have to argue out. There will be times when we go to bed simmering because no conclusion to the issue was drawn. It happens! That doesn't mean that, in the morning, I'm Google Searching divorce lawyers. That means that I have something else to take to God when I roll out of the bed and on my knees in prayer before I begin my day. The point is, there will be bad moments. But that doesn't mean the marriage turned bad. That means there will be bad moments.

Don't live life expecting bad, in your marriage or any other aspect of your life. 

Know that the bad will happen, and when it does, pray about it, tackle it and move on. You and your hubby will get stronger. Marriage is a muscle; you will have to exercise it. And when you do, you get stronger. Some exercises will come and be so hard you may want to drop the whole thing. But when those come up, look back at how hard the other ones were. And you got through them together.

This one will be no different....