I was having a conversation with a married couple the other day after Bible Study about my blog and what I like to discuss. The husband thought that the name "Insane Wives" was appropriate for married women because, well, we're crazy. His wife began to say that we are only crazy because our husbands make them crazy.
Sigh...
Needless to say, the conversation began to take a turn for the worst (completely on the husbands part, mind you) and voices were elevated. While the wife and I were simply trying to help her husband understand that women only press their men at times because we care about the things that they go through, the things that are on their minds and the goings on of their day, while men like to hold everything in and burst at some very inopportune times.
After the back and forth went on for a while, my Bishop, who was lurking in the background as he likes to do, decided to intervene. He brought up a good point that wives magnify the behaviors of their men. While I do agree, I also believe that there are different reactions that different wives go through at different times.
Which brings me to the topic of this week's post...
Mirror. Magnify. Maintain.
First, the scripture!
Luke 6:31-33
"Do to others as you would like them to do to you.
If you love only those that love you,
Why should you get credit for that?
Even sinners love those who love them!
And if you do good only to those who do good to you,
Why should get credit?
Even sinners to that much!"
There are not so much three different types of wives as there are three different reactions to each possible conflict or resolution. You know your husband better than anyone else in the world (Even if you don't I'm going to speak that into the atmosphere for you). So, that means that you know when he has had a bad day, when he has a lot on his mind and when he is holding something back. That also means that you should know when and when not to pursue a fact finding mission about the issues that he might have on his mind. Sometimes he might not be in the mood to discuss the things that he has going on. It is at this point that we decided if we are going to be mirrors, magnifiers or maintainers...
Mirror is a direct reflection of what is in front of it. So if you are acting as a mirror everything that your husband is giving out, you are giving back to him. Every rolled eye, deep breath and attitude. Not so cool.
Magnify means you take what you are being given and make it bigger. My mom used to call this "making a federal case out of it". You take the slightest eyebrow lift and turn it into a full-fledged brawl. Also not a good look.
Maintain means that, no matter what you are being given, no matter what happens, your demeanor doesn't change. You are the coolest of the cool cucumbers.
So which one can we claim to be? Its not three different women, but it can be different for each occasion. Sometimes we are not in the mood for the 'tude that our husbands come home with, so we mirror the madness. Sometimes we are beyond being not in the mood and cause the tear to rip to the size of the Grand Canyon. Neither of these personalities will help your marriage because they can take a small issue that your man had at work and turn it into a big problem that he now has at home. The goal here is to not absorb the problem and not deflect the problem.
We want to maintain the peace.
Making small issues into bigger issues are not what we want to do. We are the buffers. Sometimes we have to let the guys in our lives stew in their own juices of whatever issues they faced. We want to make their lives easier and magnifiers and mirrors complicate things. Sometimes we have to swallow our pride and let the husband come to you when he's ready. Most times they will talk to us about what they have going on but it's in their own time and in their own space.
So before you jump hard with him next time he runs into a hard case or a difficult client, decide whether you want to be the mirror, the magnifier or the maintainer. You set the tone and you can change the pace...
Mirror is a direct reflection of what is in front of it. So if you are acting as a mirror everything that your husband is giving out, you are giving back to him. Every rolled eye, deep breath and attitude. Not so cool.
Magnify means you take what you are being given and make it bigger. My mom used to call this "making a federal case out of it". You take the slightest eyebrow lift and turn it into a full-fledged brawl. Also not a good look.
Maintain means that, no matter what you are being given, no matter what happens, your demeanor doesn't change. You are the coolest of the cool cucumbers.
So which one can we claim to be? Its not three different women, but it can be different for each occasion. Sometimes we are not in the mood for the 'tude that our husbands come home with, so we mirror the madness. Sometimes we are beyond being not in the mood and cause the tear to rip to the size of the Grand Canyon. Neither of these personalities will help your marriage because they can take a small issue that your man had at work and turn it into a big problem that he now has at home. The goal here is to not absorb the problem and not deflect the problem.
We want to maintain the peace.
Making small issues into bigger issues are not what we want to do. We are the buffers. Sometimes we have to let the guys in our lives stew in their own juices of whatever issues they faced. We want to make their lives easier and magnifiers and mirrors complicate things. Sometimes we have to swallow our pride and let the husband come to you when he's ready. Most times they will talk to us about what they have going on but it's in their own time and in their own space.
So before you jump hard with him next time he runs into a hard case or a difficult client, decide whether you want to be the mirror, the magnifier or the maintainer. You set the tone and you can change the pace...
