There's No Room for Fear Here...

 

I've been very concerned about the state of marriage these days. It appears that husbands are disregarding and dismissing their wives, and wives are disrespecting their husbands. It doesn't start off this way. I believe that most, if not all married couples start their covenants with the best of intentions. They may lack the proper preparation, and because of that, they lack the perseverance necessary to make any successful relationship function properly. The communication breakdowns don't only leave doors open for infidelity, but also for something much, much worse.

Fear.

This is a debilitating emotion that can have long lasting effects. It causes irrational thoughts and behaviors, and is running around having its way in the lives of both husbands and wives alike. Fear has been rearing its ugly head everywhere: in finances, communication, love, sex and almost every other aspect of a marriage. Wives are afraid of losing their husbands and becoming a cross between a private detective and a stalker just to make sure that husbands are remaining faithful. Husbands are afraid that they won't be able to provide for their families and are withdrawing from the responsibilities that they have in order to find solace in other areas.

Fear is something that can turn us from loving, caring and nurturing wives into women that are so afraid of losing that they will do almost anything to win. But, contrary to what the world may have to say, your marriage is not a competition. And fear has no place in your home.

 

2 Timothy 1:7

 

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity

(of cowardice, of craven and cringing

And dawning fear),

But [He has given us a spirit]

Of power and of love and of calm

And well-balanced mind

And discipline and self-control."

You have no reason to be afraid, of anything.

Yes, I know that being married can be a bit overwhelming, especially when you step back and look at everything that you have going on. Your relationship with your husband, your finances, your ministry, your family, your job, health and not to mention the millions of thoughts that are running through your head on any given day. You get tired. You should. But scared? Nah...

Let's look at the scripture again. First, it tell us what God didn't give us: timidity, cowardice fear. So, if God didn't give it to us, then we know that is from the enemy, and should be fought against.

Secondly. What has God given us? The power of love, calm, a well-balanced mind, discipline and self-control. Now, that sounds more like it.

The things of the enemy are disruptive and distracting. Who has time for distractions? It is the agenda of the devil to keep our focus on the little things so that we will miss the big picture. Why do you think that you get so upset when your husband leaves the toilet seat up or the dishes in the sink? Because its to irritate you and distract you from the perfect love that God has blessed you with.

You're not going to lose your man, so stop thinking it and speaking it. God gave Him to you; you didn't steal him. So if you are afraid of something, you have to be honest. Honest with yourself, with God and with your husband. Fear and suspicion usually come from guilt. Have you done anything, whether presently or in your last that you are afraid will come back to bite your butt? You cannot give place to fear, but you do have to address it.

Let's learn to stay on course by following the steps that the Lord gave is in His Word:

1. Remember, you have love. The perfect love of God and the love of your husband.

2. Stay calm. No need to get all riled up.

3. Your mind is well-balanced. Anything otherwise is not of God.

4. Be disciplined. You're a lady at all times.

5. Don't lose your cool. Self-control.

If we continue to practice all of these things and keep our focus on God and what He has assigned us to do, we have no room for anything else.

Especially not fear...

 

Take it From Humpty...

 



Please excuse the mother in me, but have you ever paid much attention to the nursery rhyme "Humpty Dumpty"? If you have, pardoning any possible copyright issues, allow me to refresh your memory:

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the King's horses and all the King's men,

Couldn't put Humpty back together again."

 Kind of sad, really.

There are so many questions that pop into my head when I read this. What was he doing sitting on a wall? Was it his normal routine and he just had an accident? Did someone push him? Don't even mention the fact that he was an egg. Why were horses trying to put him together? I can see the King's men, but horses sound kind of sketchy.

Okay, I digress...

The point of the matter is, Humpty Dumpty got hurt, and the King's men (and horses) couldn't fix it.

How does this whole thing apply to me and you?

During the course of my marriage, I have realized that I am an extremely sensitive person. My husband would say things ands we would have issues, and once all of the mean things were said, I could actually feel my heart hurting. I didn't realize it at the time, and of course it may have just been my sensitivity and personal guilt over saying mean things to my husband, but I would feel a pain. Because I love my husband so deeply and cared so much about his opinion of me, when he said things that were negative or made decisions that I took issue with, it hurt. Bad. My heart was breaking.

 

 

Psalm 147:3

"He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds."

 

When our husbands hurt us, or at least me, my first instinct is to stop and process what happened. What part did I play in this and at what point did things go bad. After that, I tend to find someone close to me that I can trust and tell them what happened, asking their opinion. It may not be the right thing to do, but sometimes an objective opinion helps. But, I never addressed the heartbreak. I just got up and moved on. After all, that's what I was supposed to do, right?

Not actually. What happens when you don't address emotional pain is that you never heal from it. The pain gets dull and we learn to live with it, but we don't heal from things that we don't address. Just like a physical medical issue. If you cut yourself and don't clean the wound and dress it, it may get infected and wind up worse than it was upon first injury.

No one can really heal our emotions and broken hearts but God. He created us, and He knows us better than we know ourselves. counselors, friends and even psychologists may help you understand, but they won't help you heal. Even time won't heal the pain. We have to tell our Father  all about it and allow His divine love to saturate our hearts. If we do that, we will be in even better shape than we were before.

So, take it from Humpty Dumpty. Don't go looking for horses or men.

Go straight to the King...