You're the Teacher... Teach...

I believe that everything in a person's life can be a teaching moment, if you pay attention to it. I try to pay attention to everyone and everything that I come in contact with. I wrote a post a while back about my youngest daughter being an example of unconditionally loving my husband. My sons are teaching me that same lesson as well.
I heard a famous minister on television saying that, a wife should love her husband the same way that a mother loves her son, because her husband is someone's son. At first, I had a problem with this statement. My sons have never abused me or done anything malicious to me. They have never done anything with the intention to hurt my feelings or made decisions that made me see them differently. They are my babies. My three sons are my last three children; literally my babies.

1 Peter 4:8

"Most important of all, 

continue to show deep love for each other,

 for love covers a multitude of sins."(NLT)

I've heard a lot of people say that they can't raise a man and that a woman can't teach a man how to love, which I believe is true. You are not responsible for teaching your husband how to be your husband. But you do have a responsibility to be a pure and unconditional example of what real love looks like.  Maybe you are the only real love that your husband has ever seen.

Think about it like this: you are responsible for your son. Would you want him to grow up, having no idea how to treat his wife? He may not intentionally hurt her, of course, but hurting her just the same because he has no idea what he's doing?

This could very well be what happened to your husband.

Sure, everyman makes his own decisions. But, what if the decision that your husband made to love you was one based on ignorance? Of course he wants to be happy with you and be one of the sources of your happiness. It is entirely possible that his every effort to do so fails because no one taught him how to love you the way you deserve to be loved.

You're the teacher, so teach.

Not in reprimands and criticism. Teach him by loving him. Your husband watches you're every move, and not just the gentle sway of your hips. If your husband is anything like mine, he watches everything under the lense of a magnifying glass. He analyzes it all, and he stored it in his memory bank. My husband is amazing, but he didn't always have the right example about how a man loves a woman when he was a child, so he's still trying to find his way as an adult. I didn't always understand, but now that I do, I'm responsible for loving him no matter what. I had to show him love, and he in turn learned how to love me. Make no mistake, in some situations, this takes more time and patience than you may want to produce. Communication, pride swallowing and bitten lips. Everything we do requires some form of work, but if a successful marriage is something that you want, you'll most definitely have to put in the work. It's your choice.

He may not be your son, but you deserve unconditional love, and so does your husband...

So show him how it's done....

Sweet Fruit, Pretty Flowers or Stank Weeds?

My parents are awesome gardeners. My dad is responsible for growing the vegetables, greens, corn, tomatoes and peppers, and takes care of the lawn. My mom plants the flowers and makes sure that the yard stays beautiful. They plant and water, feed and weed and do everything else that it takes to have an appealing yard and fresh veggies.
My parents will be celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary this summer. Just like their gardens, I'm sure that they worked together to make something's grow and mature and they worked separately to make sure that they were each growing on their own to be the best wife and husband team that they could be.
It's all about what you plant.

 2 Corinthians 9:6
  "Remember: A stingy planter gets a stingy crop; a lavish planter gets a lavish crop."(MSG)

What are you sowing into your marriage? Are you the Fruit of the Spirit? Love, joy, peace, patient, kindness, goodness and self-control? Notice that I didn't say "fruits" of the spirit. It wasn't a grammatical error at all. All of the fruit need to be blended together in order to successfully carry the title of "fruit". You can't have one fruit and not have the other ones. Think about it like one big tree that produces seven different varieties of fruit. One seed sewn turned into one plant turned into one tree and produced seven fruit. Impossible?
No ma'am.
You're the planter.
We want good things to come from our marriages. Blessings not curses. So if we want blessings produced, blessing we must see.
One more thing: Have you ever smelled your hand after pulling up a weed? Try it and find out. They stink. And weeds  have the uncanny ability to multiply and make a mess of things quickly. If you don't pull them up, not only will they choke out the fruit and flowers, but you'll have a stinky mess to work if you don't take care of them immediately. I don't know about you, but I don't need any unnecessary messes to clean up. We have a full life to live; might as well stay on top of the things that we can to avoid all chaos.
I'd rather have sweet fruit than stank weeds any day...

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

This is a day that has been set aside for love. And who knows how to love better than a wife?
Happy Valentine's Day miss lady.
But, in my usual insane wife fashion, this is not the end of the post. Its a special post on a special day. Some wives have thought long and hard on the perfect gift for their husband: a weekend getaway, a thoughtful card or a special dinner. And other wives are anticipating that surprise that will blow in when their husband arrives home, or that special delivery that you weren't really expecting but you really were expecting. My response?
Bah. Humbug.
Don't get me wrong. I love love. I love everything that comes along with celebrating love. I think Valentine's Day is sweet and giving gifts can be amazing. My issue is, some people sit around expecting something when they've shown zero love.

1 Corinthians 13:7-8a

"...{Love} bears all things, believes all things,

hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails...."

You can't get something for nothing. And even if you can. it won't last long enough to enjoy because you didn't earn it. Now, I'm not saying that you have to earn your husband's love. As a matter of fact, he should love you no matter what you do; that's what love does. Love should abound NO MATTER WHAT happens. But some wives are just... mean. I can speak on it because it was me.
I was mad at my husband, and I made sure that he knew it. It wasn't just argument mad; it was long-term irritation. I ignored his calls and even ignored him. I yelled and screamed and neglected him. We had problems, but I took it too far. I was not a good example of a wife or a Christian. When he got tired of it and left, I could have blamed him, but I chose to look at myself. I had to get over myself and learn to love myself.
You can't show someone else love if you don't love yourself.
Appreciate your husband and he will appreciate you. You don't need to wait for February or October, December or whatever month your anniversary is in. Think of ways to appreciate him now.
A sexy text.
A love note on the seat of his car.
An extra long kiss.
A little afternoon delight. *wink wink*
Love your husband on purpose today. Wish him a Happy Valentine's Day, not with the expectation of receiving, but just because you love him.
Remember, love should stand through everything. Even if you don't get along, you still have to love.

Sitting on the Side of the Tub...

This used to be my spot; the bathroom I mean. At first, it was because it was the only room in our home with a door that locked, but that is no longer the case. My bedroom door locks, but the bathroom lock has been removed. I guess now, its just my spot to sit and think.

My husband and I separated for a while. I would like to say that it was once, but it was quite a few times. We haven't always gotten along as well as we do now and, because of the, we've spent quite a bit of time apart. During those times, I spent a lot of time in the bathroom. Not because I was so sick over being away from my husband. Well, not physically sick anyway. I was a bit sick at the looming concept of divorce that seemed inevitable for my marriage, with the way that things were going and all. But, the bathroom did give me a sense of comfort.

It smelled like my husband.

At the time of our last separation, my husband was a cigarette smoker. Combine that with the occupationally hazardous smell of a mechanic (which is a blend of motor oil and sweat) and my husband's unique scent wound appear. It didn't really stink, but it didn't really smell great, so it was tolerated. Since the bathroom had it's own vent system, that was the room he would sneak to smoke in there when he thought I wouldn't find out. But I always did and I always fussed.

When he first left, I walked past the bathroom and burst into tears. Scents carry the strongest memories. I smelled that cologne-like aroma that I had come to love and was overwhelmed with sadness. After a while, I got used to being by myself, but sitting on the side of the tub in the bathroom, inhaling the scent of my hubs, didn't bring feelings of grief. That smell brought a sense of comfort. 

I missed my husband.

Matthew 19:6

"And because of this, a man leaves father and mother 

and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh

—no longer two bodies but one.

 Because God created this organic union of the two sexes,

 no one should desecrate His art by cutting them apart.”(The Message)

I missed my husband because we had become one flesh. He was a part of me and I was a part of him. That's the way that God designed marriage to be. You and your husband are two whole people that came together to become one unit. You are two wholes that make a whole, if that makes any sense. You are a part of each other.

Have you ever noticed that after a couple has been married for an extended amount of time, people make comments that they are starting to look alike. They take becoming one flesh seriously! But that's what happens. When you are around someone almost constantly, you begin to pick up some of their mannerisms and characteristics. Its inevitable.

Prayerfully, my husband and I will never separate again. But even when he's not with me, I always have access to him by sitting on the side of my tub...

Spoiled Wife... Happy Life...

For me, St. Valentine's Day has always been full of hearts, balloons and candy. There have been exotic getaways and romantic dinners, thoughtful gifts and sexy kisses. Yes, February has always been an amazing representation of the manifestation of love....
For everyone else. Just not me.
I know some spoiled wives. They are the ones who have me daydreaming about being one. Some of my girls have husbands who make so many grand gestures for their special days, late night dinners and weekend getaways. Husbands that love to cuddle and shower them with gifts, large and small. I smile as I listen to the details, happy for them as well as secretly wishing that I was the one doing the bragging. Sometimes I have to shake myself and remind myself of how lucky I am to have the wonderful husband that I do.
Sigh...
As much as I would love the wow factor of romance on Valentine's Day, I have to remember that I love the one I married. Even if his romantic bone is fractured, he does his best to make sure that my family has every thing that it needs to be happy.

Ephesians 5:28

"In the same way, 

husbands ought to love their wives

as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife

loves himself."(NIV)

I hear about all of the amazingly thoughtful gestures that some women get and that some couples do for each other. The Valentine's Day traditions that seem to become more elaborate every year. People do it big, and I love to hear and see the stories. Its just never been like that for me. Even before I got married, I always seemed to date the guys that believe holidays like Valentine's Day were some type of conspiracy created by "the man" to get men to spend money. I smiled and sighed and eventually got over it, but it would be nice to just, one day, have my husband do something creative and romantic for me this time of the year. I would even like to spoil him in return. I'm a timeless romantic I guess.
My point is, whether you get the full romance treatment next week, a card and a hug or maybe just a "Happy Valentine's Day" text, you're a spoiled wife. Your husband trusted you with his heart and gave you his name. He loves you the best way he knows how. That's being spoiled. He gives you all of him and knows that you have his back. He may need to work his romance muscle out so it can get stronger, but you all can work on that. We wives have to realize who our husbands are and how they show their love. I'm trying to learn how to appreciate my love for what he does everyday, not just a few select days a year. He does his best to make me happy, and I am.
I'm spoiled, I guess. Just in a different way.
Are you a spoiled wife? Do you and your hubby have Valentine's Day plans? Please share!

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