In my last post I told you all that my husband and I had separated for a while. It was something that was ridiculously difficult to live through, however, I believe that it was very necessary.
For me.
Sometimes when you feel as though you are being wronged on a regular basis, you begin to develop a complex. You see yourself as being the victim of negativity and your husband as being the accused. The thing about thinking about your marriage in this way is you convince yourself that you have no fault in the issues that you and your man face.
*look at your neighbor and tell them: "Not so"*
No matter what problems, fights, struggles or issues that go on in your marriage, if they are continuous, you are a contributing factor.
Let me explain.
My husband and I would argue constantly. No matter what the topic of the conversation started out as, the ending was consistent; fighting. It wasn't that we couldn't communicated. Its that we didn't. I didn't like the way he approached me, he didn't like the way I responded. So, let the fights commence. Over and over, my complaint was the same, "I don't like the way you speak to me". Now, because I jumped to the defense every time I was approached, I also felt as though I had to defend myself. If I was getting negative, I gave negative. Tit for Tat is what its called. But when the fighting turned into separation, I had plenty of time to think. And decided.
So, if you are having similar issues with your hunni, ask yourself these three questions and answer them honestly. If you can't be honest with yourself, you can't be honest with your husband and things will stay the same.
Question #1- Do you want to stay married?
Question #2- Do you want to have a successful marriage?
Question #3- Are you willing to change?
The answer that you have to the first question will determine your level of commitment to the next two questions that the rest of your married life. If you don't want to stay married to your husband, then the other questions don't matter. But if you do, the work starts from now.
Wanting to have a successful marriage means that you want to work at it and make sure that it is nurtured, fed and healthy in order to grow. If you have a houseplant, you know that it won't survive it your don't take care of it. The same goes for your relationship with your husband. Evaluate the things that you see as problem areas so you can know what needs to be addressed.
And lastly, are you willing to change? Not change your husband or your marriage. But are you willing to change you? Everything is not always your husband's fault. You are a contributing factor to some of the things that go on. It can be an action or a reaction, but you contribute. There are some things in your life that God may want to work out in you so that you can become the wife that is meant for your husband. God will work on your husband too, but that's not your concern. You work on you and let God work on the rest.
Matthew 6:33
"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."
Seek God for yourself. There are changes that need to be made in you too. If you are honest, you aren't totally innocent in it all.
So be honest...
